Got'cha Day - Our Third Go Around

Today was our third anniversary of Eli's "Gotcha Day"!


Three, busy years since we came home with a very scared, speechless, frail little boy.


Admittedly back then, I looked longingly at my friends adopted children, all of whom had been home at least three years and wished for their level of normalcy.

My expectations for Eli and the RamFam  in July of 2009 were conjured up in the mist of jet lag and culture shock (mine first, then his).  


Simply put, REST and COMMUNICATION topped my wish list.  You can read about that here.

Eli has learned quite a bit more than a "few English words."  He starts Kindergarten in the Fall..at The Classical Academy...with the rest of his peers.  He will need the special concession of a spot close to the teacher and larger font, but that's it.  He knows his letters, all their sounds and is very much looking forward to reading!  He's learned to ride his bike, write, and this summer  - has enjoyed swimming like a fish.  He's been on a cruise to Mexico and was the third in our family to summit the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado.  He greatly enjoyed a recent trip to MiMi's house where he swam in the ocean, played with his cousins and rode his first roller coaster.  He's become quite a popular "friend" to neighborhood kids -- and anyways, who wouldn't want to play with such an easy going, sweet guy?  

During our first days alone together, I felt the Holy Spirit impress on me that Eli's "transition" would be slow, yet uneventful.  I didn't always trust that this would be the case, but low and behold it has been accurate and we are thankful for it.  

Probably the most significant sign that our son is doing well is that he has stopped asking us, "Are you coming back?"  This was the first English phrase Eli learned.  In the first year and 1/2 he would ask that question at least 45 times a day.  Today, I'm thankful to say, I don't remember the last time he asked ANY of us if we were coming back.  We indeed do - come back.

Three years, and Eli has now been a "Ramsdell" for longer than he was an orphan.  A significant milestone -- for him and his family.  We are thankful and still expecting great things!

Parenting in Real Time...Contentment

Our kids have always shared a room.

When our fourth child was born, we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment.  Our older girls shared a room, and our younger two (son and daughter) shared a room.

We moved to Colorado in 2003 and built a 5 bedroom home.  We still however continued to live out of just 3 rooms for quite sometime.  When we brought Eli home from China and moved my studio partially out of our house shortly thereafter, we did some rearranging.  Elizabeth and Hosanna had been roommates up to that point for about 13 years.

Rearranging, we moved the boys into a shared room -- and in the summer of 2011, all three Ramsdell daughters got their own rooms...for the first time...every.  Historical.  One daughter kept the bedroom that had been shared; one took my "office" as her new room upstairs and one moved into the spare room in the basement.  Since Victoria had always lived in a "boy" room, we decided to start the summer off by redecorating her space.  She selected a light lavender color and we painted our hearts out together.  We hung shelves, made homemade art, made a headboard for her bed and bulletin board for the wall.  Ta-duh!  We had one super cute...VERY large room.

Oddly, the complaints started almost immediately.  Downstairs kid said, "I'm cramped! It's too small!  It's too big!  There's not enough stuff in my room!  I hate the color!  I have too many shelves!  I don't have enough places to put things! It's too cold!  It's hot! It's too bright!  It's too dark! The closet is too small!"  You can picture the agonizing scene.

From the upstairs kid we heard, "It's too cold!  It's too hot!  It's too cramped!  It's an ugly color! The closet is too small!" etc etc etc  E.T.C.!!!!

Eventually, because their parents in general ignore complaining, upstairs kid and downstairs kid got together and decided to take matters into their own hands.  They decided to take one entire weekend and switch rooms.  Genius.  Or so they thought.

Shortly after the switch we began to hear, "It's too cold!  It's too hot!  It's too big!  It's cramped!  I don't like the shelves!  I don't have enough places to put things!  The closet is too small!"  All this from girls who had never had their own space...EVER.  Ugh!!!

This morning, upstairs kid came to me and said, "I wish I hadn't changed rooms!"
I couldn't wasn't going to take it any longer so before this could go any further I said, "Sweetie, (Read: what I'm fixing to say is going to hurt, but it doesn't mean I'm mad at you.)  Your problem is not your room.  MOST kids in the world today (not AMERICA, but in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) do not have their own rooms.  You've been given your own space (more than once) in a nice home with central heat and air...with shelves and a bed from Pottery Barn...your bedroom is freshly painted in the color of you choose.  Your parents gave you $100 to pick out new curtains and a lamp.  You have a brand new desk to organize your school work...and a brand new cushy chair your daddy bought you...just because you asked for it.  You have a large closet filled with clothes and shoes...and a brand new docking system for your IPod.  You are blessed.  Abundantly blessed.  Your problem is that you are over looking how already blessed you are -- and you are neglecting the discipline of being thankful.  You are not hungry, homeless or orphaned (Infact, she has parents who are crazy about her).  You are outrageously blessed compared to 99% of the planet, AND you are complaining about not being MORE blessed."

Light goes on in the child's eyes.  Before I could lecture say anymore the child sighs and says, "You're right mom".  Currently, she's in her room, worship music blaring and hanging up the clean laundry that was piled all over her floor.

These lessons are worth taking the time to teach our children.  AND they are easier to teach when we have learned and willingly remain in the process of learning -- as their parents.  Our kids complaining is often a sign of something deeper (just like our complaining is a sign of something deeper).  Be in process.  Take the time to walk your kids through the process as well.

BREAKING NEWS:  Just heard from upstairs child who all of a sudden has a happy heart, "My room is now clean and looks GREAT!"

"A thankful heart is a happy heart."  - Junior Asparagus, Veggie Tales

7 things to consider when looking for a music teacher...

Researchers have confirmed what piano teachers and moms have known all along, that music lessons really do make kids smarter!

Dr. Frances Rauscher from the University of California at Irvine is recognized for work correlating music - specifically piano instruction - and intelligence. His study, which is focused on the importance of music in the early developmental stages of childhood, has been widely recognized as ground breaking, attracting much media attention. His findings have stated that music lessons are far superior to computer instruction in developing the abstract reasoning skills needed for math and science.

Children who received piano/keyboard instruction performed 34% higher on tests measuring spatial-temporal ability than others.

But when looking for a music teacher, what things should you consider?

Here are 7 qualifications to add to your list that you may not have thought of.

1. Does the teacher have an infectious love of music that can be transferred to the heart of your child?

We all know that becoming an accomplished musician requires time, commitment and practice. But, why commit to something over a long period of time that you do not enjoy?

All small children love music. Look for a teacher who can cultivate and grow this love over the long haul. There will be seasons of commitment and hard work, but that should be balanced by seasons of passion and joy.

2. Look for a teacher who encourages music to be a family affair.

Few of us like to be isolated and sent off alone, especially young children! Any teacher who says a young child should be sent to the piano alone for 30 minutes a day, doesn't have enough early childhood training to warrant your time and money.

Music lessons can be enjoyed by and benefit the entire family! Look for a teacher who understands the needs of younger children. Discuss with them ways to make practice more like play than punishment.

Music does require discipline, but small amounts over a consistent period of time = fulfilling progress without tear!

3. Open Door Policy - If music is to be a family affair, it goes without saying that parents should have access to their child and teacher - during the lesson. You MAY not know a lot about music, but you can tell if teaching and learning are happening.

4. Does your child like the teacher?

I believe children innately like to be around adults who love well. Make sure your child "clicks" with his or her teacher. They should enjoy one another. Your child should feel encouraged and challenged, not condemned or afraid.

5. Patience is a virtue.

All teachers need patience and piano teachers are no exception. Find someone with the patience to give your child a good foundation. Rushing isn't good. In music, the muscle memory alone required to master a level requires much repetition.

6. Process not performance...

Music lessons are naturally "performance" oriented - sit this way, hold your hands that way, read the music like this, etc.

Young children grow weary of this. Find someone who can take these performance concepts and disguise them within the process and joy of learning something new. Everything doesn't have to be perfect all the time. We learn music because we love music!

7. A music teacher is ultimately there to assist YOU, the parent, in drawing out the gifts, talents, and interest that reside within your child. A good teacher will be attentive to the goals of your family and will attempt to tailor a program that meets the needs of your child and your family!

Musically,

Shanna Ramsdell

KIDS WHO LOVE HIS PRESENCE

HIS PRESENCE...OUR LEGACY

Billy Here.......Recently Elizabeth Joy has been leading worship with her youth group, Desperation Student Ministries at New Life Church. She sings well and works with the band well and has great passion, but most of all, she worships. Since she was very little, we would put Praise and Worship songs and videos on only to have her engage with zeal and excitement. She has been singing since I can remember and over the past 16 years we have done our best to honor the fact that God has put this love for music, love for Him and love for worship in her heart and mind. Parents have a calling and responsibility to raise up their kids in the way "they" would go. This means that I do my best to look into the eyes of my baby, toddler, preschooler, kindergartner, second grader, fifth grader, middle schooler, then high schooler and discern gifts, strengths, passions, hopes, dreams and assignments from their Father in Heaven. This is not easy, but requires Faith in God. Faith that He has already done the work inside her, we only have to help keep them on the right trajectory to see it fleshed out and exercised in safety. 

Before I was married I prayed for years for my kids and wife. When in prayer for my kids I saw girls, little girls, one in particular, dancing, singing, laughing and playing in God's presence. When Elizabeth began to walk and run and dance, I keenly remember seeing her dance around the house one day and took pause. I remembered that moment, not because it had happened before, because it had not, but because I had seen it in my prayers. 

Today, Hosanna loves music and worship as well, so does Benjamin, Victoria and Eli. It seems to be a requirement to call yourself a Ramsdell. The kids sit at the piano and play, teaching themselves worship and popular songs. They dance and enjoy the presence of the Lord. Hosanna is dancing in the Thorn right now, a massive Easter production with over 500 cast and crew, presented to tens of thousands of people each year. Victoria sings and does hand motions with the worship team at NLC that goes into lead the small children. She loves it and is a great example. I'm not sure Ben has the desire or preparation to be in front of people, but he loves music and is growing in his love for Worship. We are thankful, frankly to NLC, the Desperation Band, Brad and Ross Parsley and other NLC staff who set the example of excellence in worship, music and singing. Our kids are changed because of it and I am forever thankful that we have been able to recognize the way God is leading them and just be part of that work. 

Finally, I must say that Shanna has been a huge part of the nurture side of music, worship and learning. She is the best music and piano teacher I have ever known and I believe her leadership with the kids has made a lifetime impact on them. Thanks to her for being a great mom!!!!

Start with the end in mind? Sure, But which end?

Billy and I have been married for just short of 18 years. Not shabby if you ask me. We had a lot of dreams when we first said, "I Do", first of which was to raise a family.

Elizabeth Joy was born 4 short days after our 1 year anniversary...and Hosanna only 18 months later. By the time Victoria was born, only 13 months after her big brother, Benjamin, we had a grand total of 4 kids in 5 years. My friends, it's not for the faint of heart!

Despite our struggle for daily survival (and sleep) back then, we were able to articulate something, very early in our attempt to raise a Christian family, that has proved to shape almost all of our parenting decisions...thus shaping our children. So deeply have we believed this one thing over the years, that it's dictated where we live, which church we attend, which activities we are apart of and the jobs we take. It's dictated which friends we choose, which friends our children choose, how we spend our money and where we send our kids to school. It's dictated which battles we fight with our children and on their behalf. One very important idea indeed.

God has not called us to raise "good" kids.

Yup, that's it! And fellow believers, He hasn't called you to raise good kids either. He hasn't called any of us to raise quiet, well behaved, sweet mannered children. He hasn't called us to raise smart kids or good atheletes. He hasn't called us to raise good musicians or popular kids.

To the point, God is calling us to raise anointed kids...kids on a mission...kids who lay hands on the sick and see them recovered. Kids who care more about people - marginalized, broken, down and out, hurting people than they do about fame, accomplishment or the riches of this world (which is a trap for so many).

God is calling Christian parents to raise their children to care about what He cares about. Humility and self sacrifice come to mind as opposed to pride and self centeredness. Kids who have ears to hear the Holy Spirit and the willingness to cooperate with what the Spirit of God is doing in their lives and in the earth. Kids who would see the world's orphan crisis curbed in their generation not only because they were willing to adopt, but because they are full of compassion and courage, willing to go to the poorest countries to plant churches who could care for many orphaned children. Kids who have compassion on the poor, the hungry, the lonely. Kids who have compassion on the outcasted kids in school. Kids who love well. Kids who understand surrender.

We believed it was our role to stir a hunger in our children for righteous things. When people are hungry, they eat. They do not have to be forced to eat, they just do - A hunger for God's word, worship, and a knowledge that in order to know and embrace God's plan we must surrender our own.

We believe that a person doesn't have to enter their adult life knowing everything. However, knowing how to hear the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit and cooperate with what He says is imperative. Teaching our children this became necessary above all else.

We believed that our role was to introduce our children to the best representatives of our faith, and train them in certain disciplines (like how to pray, how to study God's word). Then, stand back and let them react as they would. For relationships to be authentic after all, we must build them for ourselves.

Bottom line, that's called DISCIPLESHIP. And THAT is what Christian parents are called to do.

With only 24 hours in a day, you can't make your child the best at everything. You can't give them every experience nor cultivate every activity that they MIGHT be good at.

Wise people know there isn't enough time in a life span to fully know everything. But this. This one thing. Discipleship. There is time for this...if you have the courage to make the time, to let other things go, to evaluate the value of each activity based on God's Word - not on current culture.

It's risky. Your kids might appear...different. You might get called a fanatic.

Yet, to disciple our children is what we are called to do.

Parents must understand and teach their children that coming to Christ is like joining a great feast, yes? Blessings, forgiveness, deliverance, eternal life with God in Heaven. All these are ours, and thank you God for them! On the flip side, it's being willing to participate in a great fast. A fasted lifestyle that makes more of Him, more of the least of these, and less of us, of me, who is already blessed so much.

The ability to stop thinking of myself so much, and in turn think of others, to be a blessing, to be the answer to someone else's prayers...to surrender our own selfish appetites for something so much greater - is a gift far beyond sports, music lessons, and an Ivey league education.

What does that cost you? Everything. EVERYTHING. The Christian life is about surrender. And staying the course for life will require everything from your child as well.

Fortunately, God takes what we offer and multiplies it and gives it back. So, someone in this home MAY get an Ivey league education, become a good athlete, or musician as well. But if they do, it will be because God opened those doors for His purpose and for His glory, not because I spent more time preparing my child for college than I did Heaven.

Be mine

Lest you all think it's "too perfect" - here are a few things heard in RamFam Casa this Valentines Day....

"Mom, since I paid $52 for the flowers, they gave me a free vase."

Me, "Valentines Day is a fake holiday designed by Hershey and Hallmark to get our money". Hosanna, "I know. That is why I didn't get you anything".

Me, "Billy, you will love what I got you for Valentines Day". B, "Are you serious? I didn't get you anything". Me, "Then you will love what I got US for Valentines Day".

Remaining nameless, "Did you charge us a hot tub on your mom's credit card for Valentines Day"?

"Thanks mom for the electric blanket".

Eli, "Did you know I'm suppose to take little cards with words on them to school today"?

"Do you think we should invite the extended family over for a romantic Valentines dinner"?

Female child, "I need to become a cheerleader"? Me, "why"? "Because apparently when you are a cheerleader
You get a whole bunch of free stuff from boys on Valentines Day."

Be blessed friends!

Pro Life thoughts on Breast Cancer

(I haven't read every article. I don't know every thing there is to know about breast cancer research or planned parenthood. But I have read. I have listened to some of the arguments. And, I do care about women. So on that note, here you go...).


 I have "friends" on both sides. Pro Life friends and Pro Choice friends. Friends in both camps whom I respect, who love their families and believe they are contributing to the good of our society. 


I am Pro Life. Not because my Christianity dictates I have to be, but because I've studied the issue from both sides and I've made a thoughtful decision about where I want to stand.  I realize that with every decision, especially concerning causes, I don't have a perfect argument.  Neither side does.  But none-the-less, I have too choose.  I love women.  But I can not separate that love from the love I have for the babies they carry.


I am not Pro Life because I am a woman hater.  I have read that label in many articles over the past few days and it is absurd.  Probably a label given by a Pro Choice organization who was no doubt tired of being called a baby killer. In my opinion, none of this is helpful.


The Susan G Komen situation has been interesting to watch over the past few days.


Pro Lifers have applauded SGK's break up with Planned Parenthood.  They have escalated it to "baby saving status".  Why?  This is very unlikely.  This non-faith based organization has out right said there decision had nothing to do with the pro life cause and in my opinion we do not do anyone any favors by misrepresenting them.


On the other hand, Pro Choicers have done the same thing.  They have also made it political at the sake of women's health care (which has become increasingly unaffordable in America).  The last time I checked SGK was a philanthropic organization in the United States of America.  They have the right to give money or to not give money where they decide is best.  To demand a gift be given is entitlement and bullying.  And it is just as political to decide that the "experts" are no longer the "experts" because they make a financial decision that pro choicers don't care for. 


I've done some research.  Not a single PP in my town does mammograms.  They do breast exams.  Which is more expensive?  Breast exams as done as a part of a womans health screening or a mammogram?  If SGK says their funds would do more good for women going directly to these providers, I won't shed a tear over it.  But I won't misrepresent their intentions either.  They are trying to care for women, not save babies.


Both organizations made quite a bit of money from the 2 days break up.  For Pro Lifers and organizations who feel cheated, you need to understand that SGK is a non faithbased, secular, breast cancer research organization.  Give them your money if you want to fund breast cancer research.  If you look for another organization to support because of the PP connection, you are in your rights to do so.  However, if you gave because you wanted to applaud a pro life stance (one that they never claimed to have), you should consider that pro life dollars are better spent by make a contribution to your local crisis pregnancy centers -- places specifically designed to care for woman who couldn't other wise afford it and offer alternatives to abortion.


Lots of people feel passionately over abortion  Passionate feelings don't make one an expert on breast cancer research.  In my opinion politics won here -- and both sides contributed.


In the meantime, if you are woman who finds herself pregnant.  Call me!  719-290-2449.  No judgement.  No hate.  Just someone to care about your story.  Having been in an unplanned, teen pregnancy myself, I feel more than qualified to walk you through several options.  And love you even if you don't do what I would do...because I do indeed care about both women......and babies.