Friday, January 29, 2016

Romancing Your Husband for Valentine's Day

This week in the #storyofmarriageCO class...we just threw it right on out there.


Easy, right?

Maybe, but, let's be REAListic.  Cause fake isn't our thing.

While we heard the guffaw in the room, the flirty snickers, and the sweet expressions of mirth (read with an uptick in my voice) -- we also noticed those who looked down at the floor...eyebrows furrowed in worry.  We noticed those whose eyes rolled in frustration...those who sighed...slumped...

I'm just going to say it.  Truth is, some of you, don't much like one another very much...yet.

Empathetic, we circled back around and issued a different kind of challenge.

Instead of the pressure of planning the most romantic filled, love rediscovering, best sex you've ever had in your life Valentine's Day date, we asked for something a little less grandiose (but perhaps even more profound).

A gesture.

An action, a courtesy, a step towards communicating one positive thing to your spouse in the next couple of weeks.


So, ladies, I'm talkin' to you.  (B will address men in his blog later this week).

I want to give you some simple ideas for romancing a man - that you may or may not like all that much right now.  I hope you will be led to have meaningful conversation with God both about your spouse and your own heart.  I pray that conversation leads you to an action step (a gesture) that is specifically meaningful to your man.

Cause, ladies, Valentine's Day isn't all about us girls.


So, how to romance your husband?  
Not the fantasy husband in your mind, but the real life, actual man YOU are married too.  

First, let's just all concede that most men don't want to go to all the hassle of recreating your first date and won't care if you do either.  Most don't get the "feel goods" because you fill their car with helium balloons and sticky hearts. I don't know a single man who really cares to read slips of paper (no matter how thoughtful) tucked in a mason jar labeled "Things I Love About You".  So, let's get our heads out of the Pinterest cloud and back down to earth.

A meaningful gesture is more than the purchase of a candy heart tossed on his side of the bed, or a homemade coupon book, or even deciding you'll get on his schedule for sex just this one night.

It starts when you privately give honest answers to questions like...

What does my spouse do that I'm most grateful for?

What does my spouse do that I really appreciate?

What is my spouse really good at?

What important thing does my spouse really care about?

What brings my spouse joy?

If you can answer one or two of those, you have a place by which you can start to ponder and create a gesture that might not create the stuff Valentine's movies are made of for you - but may be meaningful to your significant other.

So, here ya go....

1.  Give your spouse the gift of FORGIVENESS.  This is big.  And frankly, it all starts here.  Your UNFORGIVENESS, ladies, is a much greater hindrance to the connectivity you desire (both with your spouse and God) than the dirty under ware he continues to throw on the floor that drives you nuts (metaphorically speaking).

2.  Give your spouse the gift of KINDNESS.  Repent for judging him.

3.  Give your spouse the gift of a RELAXED you.  Decide that on Valentine's Day you're going to laugh.  Smile.  Breathe deeply.  There will be no demanding.  No crazy expectations.  No sighing. No Eye rolling, or riding his case.

4.  For Valentine's Day, give him the gift of your INTEREST, and your PARTICIPATION.  Sit beside him for a football game, and ask him to explain the rules to you (again).  Try to listen.

Suggest that he teach you how to play golf or chess or change a tire, whatever is his thing.  Dare I say it, play the video game with him.  Side by side, shoulder to shoulder, you just might both have some fun.

5.  Give him the gift of your SATISFACTION.  Let him off the hook for what he does or doesn't do for Valentine's Day this year.  Decide you aren't going to be disappointed in him.

6.  Give him the gift of TOUCH.  Valentine's Day isn't about earth altering sex.  I like to think of it as a realistic celebration of all things LOVE (spouse, God, kids, friends).  But, in general, men seem to rightfully, really enjoy sex. get on his schedule.  Night?  Morning?  Lunch break?  He'll notice you broke routine to reach out to him.

7.  Give him the gift of your ATTENTION.  This can be a big deal - especially during a season where your kids are hogging it all up.  Listen to what he says.  Make notes of his likes and dislikes.  Cook his favorites.  Let him pick the movie.  Let him know he's the one on your mind during the day, and that you're excited about seeing him later that evening.  Then, go and review points #1 - #6.

Listen, your life isn’t perfect.  Your Valentine's Day isn't going to be perfect either. That's ok.  

Remember we're adults now.  We aren't into re-creating the pressure of Senior Prom Night year after year like High School girls do. We understand that a perfect Valentine's Day is the FURTHEST THING from the point.  What you want, what we all want, is our relationships to take a step in a healthy, healing direction.  

We are praying for you!

1 comment:

  1. Excellent points. That meaningful touch or focused attention and time spent on HIS schedule with HIS choices is definitely doable. :)