Sunday, September 2, 2012

My head is spinning right round....

Like a record.

Yes, you read me right.

My head is spinning.

Tonight, Billy took Hosanna to the E.R.  She decided to have a heck of a tooth ache over Labor Day Weekend -- add a cocktail of leftover drugs given by a mommy desperate to control her child's pain -- and low and behold her mouth/lip/nose swelled up like she'd eaten a tennis ball (although hard to see in this picture)!

I suspect soon she'll get a Benadryl juice box!  Her hair still looks cute though?????????????????

This story is not unlike this one...

Right before that, I was reading Elizabeth's college scholarship letter and writing in her journal.  We've been writing to her in a journal since...well...since before she was even born.  Yup, 17 PLUS years worth of journal entries.  I was almost full.  We were almost to the end.  Just 8 months until graduation.  We will wrap the journal and give it to her as a gift.  Tear.

Before THAT, I was pondering Benjamin's up and coming 13th birthday celebration.  Money is tight for us right now.  As long as things like "Back to School", "Trips to the E.R." and "Christmas" only come around EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE -- we fair pretty well.  This past month getting ready for school almost killed us.  Seriously.  Going through the Target check out I say loudly, "How can THAT POSSIBLY total $500 -- the packs of paper are ONLY 15 cents!"  My reaction in the shoe store was WORSE!  With Dave Ramsey, you win lose some.  When they told me my 7th grader needed a $100 calculator...I lost it.

13 is a special birthday in our house.  We think if our kids can survive our parenting for 13 years, they deserve some ceremonial  statement-- surrounded by our faith community -- that they've lived there childhood well.  So far, so good.  Three down.  2 more to go (we are rooting for Victoria and Eli)!

Truthfully, as if you couldn't tell, we are proud of them -- grateful -- joyful even for their lives.  At 13, we release them if you will to be young adults -- and we try to make sure they know we posses confidence they have what it takes to navigate this life well.

Here are some thoughts from my daughters 13th bdays....

Mostly today, I imagined all the things I wanted to buy for Ben.  Would I have the money to go all out?  Probably not.   

I have a lot of empathy for others in this area.  I've been trying to live by the idea that - basically, there are two choices here.  To worry.  Or to confess the things -- the moments -- God's really come through for me in the past.  They BOTH require energy and an investment of my time.  I can be upset by things I can't control -- or pray, be positive and believe God has my good in mind.  So.....

I decide to get my mind off of "stuff".  I started flipping through my Bible.  The one Billy bought me 18 years ago when we got married.  I KNOW I can give my son the gift of a true blessing...honor...and it won't cost me one red cent.   

I decided to write out EVERY scripture from my Bible that I had written the name "Benjamin" beside.  Over the years, as I've prayed for him -- if a particular scripture jumped out at me -- I'd write his name beside it and continue to "pray" the words for my son.  

The scriptures, the promises, were numerous.  13 YEARS of praying for this kid...

Mix that with a couple of conversations with hurting friends...a much needed catch up session with my cousin (and possibly my oldest friend) whom I'm missing a lot today...and what can I say?  I'm a wreck!

Where have all the little people in my life gone?

Note to self for tomorrow:  this was probably too much pondering and thinking for one day!