THUNDERware Part II - How to Save Yourself from Drowning

Where were we?  Oh yes, I was swooning over TCA.  Then came...

August of 2011.  Billy was working at a church in Denver (a 55 minute commute) whose leaders were, shall we say, more than a little annoyed by the fact that after several months of being there, we were STILL living in the Springs.  Weighing back and forth the cost of moving to a new city or losing our job, we reluctantly did the most responsible thing - we pulled all of our kids from the Charter School we loved, and prepared to move.  Even then, we weren't "sure" about the move per say (not even an ounce of sure), but this was our way of saying to ourselves that we WOULD indeed -- even though we were dragging our feet, refusing to put a For Sale sign in our actual yard, really didn't want too, and might burst into tears at any moment over the very thought of it -- resign ourselves to move to Denver  and ACTUALLY COMMIT to SHV Church.  

2 months later, the insanity of committing to this particular ministry team became crystal clear and after the move fell through we regretted our decision to pull our kids and, well, we wanted back into The Classical Academy.  We had been attending the school for 10 years and by this time it had grown famous for the shear length of the wait list.  5,000 and counting.

Thanks to our newly acquired "priority status", our highschooler and kindergartner made it right back in.  Our middle schoolers however did not.  They are currently #4 and #12 on the TCA Full-Time Waiting List respectively.  So, what to do with them in the meantime? 

Last school year, we participated in TCA's Cottage School - which means, Ben and Victoria met with a TCA teacher for initial instruction and then homeschooled for the remainder of the week.   No, it wasn't the rich educational experience I imagined, but we learned a lot about parenting Ben and Victoria -- we were close as a family, everyone pointed in the right trajectory -- so I deemed it a SuCcEsS.

As summer came, and my music business grew more demanding, I started to sense that we probably needed to make a change -- how was I going to do MORE and keep my head from exploding?  When I looked at our 2012 - 2013 schedule, well, let's just say, it made my knees buckle.   

I didn't feel any sense of direction and my "Lord, help!  Wisdom, please!" prayers were growing more desperate - daily.  Not knowing what to do, I did what any good homeschooling mom would do -- I ordered more curriculum.    

As the 2012 school year began, and our business REALLY began to grow, I found myself crawling out of the starting gate.  NEWS FLASH:  YOU CAN'T HOMESCHOOL WHEN YOU WORK A FULL-TIME JOB.  There, I said it.  And that's because, HOMESCHOOLING IS A FULL TIME JOB.  

As business grew, and the bickering between Ben and Victoria grew -- so did my angst.  August and September unfolded, and I found I could hardly catch my breath.  I'm an introverted person.  I need moments of alone time to process my thoughts.   At this point, I'd gone 13 months without such a moment.  Literally I felt like my crazy brain was spinning out of control in my head and about to melt and run out my ears.  I was forgetting things, not sleeping and certainly didn't have even an hour to put towards ANY meaningful relationship.  

Constantly torn.  If I was dedicating my brain at the moment to Ben and Victoria -- it could just be a moment -- because the next lesson to teach would arrive any second.  If I was teaching a piano lesson, you better believe I felt guilty that I had left Victoria to figure out her math lesson all by herself.  See the NEWS FLASH above.

I organized, and reorganized.  Planned and rePlanned.  For work alone, I was teaching 35 DIFFERENT lesson plans a month, not counting private lessons, teacher training, parent times training, and  communication with parents and prospective clients.  Lest you think that's a lot, I was also teaching LATIN, LOGIC, MATH, LITERATURE, GRAMMAR, and doing HISTORY AND SCIENCE with Ben and Victoria.  It exhausted me and I couldn't catch up.

As Billy and I talked through this past month, we knew we had to make a change.  But what?   Really, we knew what...we just didn't like that option.  The neighborhood school.  

Colorado public schools rank high in the nation.  Still.  I just didn't want too.  Do.  That.  At.  All.

I launched an email campaign to beg, bribe and bully TCA to do what I wanted them to.  But, they.  Didn't.  Budge.  Insanity on their part.

Finally -- after I felt there was NO OTHER CHOICE -- AND after one SOLID week of crying my eyeballs out -- I called the school district...who promptly passed the buck and told me to call my neighborhood school's guidance counselor.  I did need some guidance, that was for darn certain!?!?!?

She answered.  I sighed.  Loudly...figuring she might as well get to know my annoyed side right off the bat.  "Hi Jessica, I am interested in the possibility of my 6th and 7th graders going to DCC.  The district told me that there were some nuances involved in the timing.  They named you as the expert (insert a slight sarcastic tone for which I could not help myself) for me to talk to."  You could almost hear the smile on her face, "Mrs. Ramsdell, the timing is up to you.  Just do what you think is in the best interest of your family -- because in actuality -- YOU are the expert on that".  I liked her right away.

Yesterday, the kids went in and TESTED for math and language arts placements...at my request.

Monday, we all meet with the counselor to get there schedules, lockers, etc.

In the middle, somewhere between 2 basketball practices, 3 basketball games, buying groceries and going to church (all with one car) -- we have to engage in "school supply shopping trip ROUND TWO for 2012" and well -- because my kids have worn khaki pants and collared shirts to school since...Kindergarten...I suppose they are going to need some new digs.  Fair enough.

Tuesday -- along with our Titans hoodies, we will pull on our "THUNDERware" and join the drop off at DCC.  

Ben and Victoria are in high spirits.  They've moved on and don't seem to require any "closure".  I, however,  thought I was gonna cry all day.  I almost did.  Then, I reminded myself that on Tuesday, I would get 2 entire hours of quiet time in the house to myself.  Delicious.  

Yes, that thought is followed by a pang of mommy guilt...and a one sided, guilt ridden negative conversation in my head.    It goes something like...there are many emotionally sturdy, quality time/acts of service loving women pulling off homeschooling large families...and seemingly doing it with joy, deep contentment and satisfaction!  (Insert feelings of envy).  They work harder than you do.  They are rich.  They don't need to send ALL THOSE KIDS to college.  They save money because they can sew their own clothes.  Why don't you sew?  You'd have more hours in your day if you'd only get up at 4am.  Why do you require sleep?  They are more organized.  More savings savy.  More.  More.  More.

Lest you feel I need therapy, my other side usually answers, "Whatever".  

Our decision to put Ben and Victoria in a public school this week was still, for us, monumental and, of course, not without consequence for our family --  and mixed with a hopeful disappointment.  Our decision was also wrought with consequence and inconvenience for some others -- classes I'd have to cancel, lessons I'd have to reschedule.  I thought long and hard, LONG AND HARD, about the people I would disappoint.  I don't like to quit.  Certainly, I don't like to burden others.  But, you don't say,"Hey! Person who is drowning! I can see the water splashing up over your head, you're choking really loud and all -- looking quiet exasperated and blue, but could you possibly wait it out 6 more weeks until Christmas break before you make any sort of change"?  No.  You toss'em a line, pull'em up, and let'em off the hook -- you  let them catch their breath!  In this case, we just had that amount of grace on ourselves.  

It's all still up in the air of course...and we'll see how it goes.  I'm not married to DCC.  Not attached - Yet.  

But, after 17 years of parenting, our decision was...necessary.  Ultimately, still in the best interest of our children.  Billy recently said, "We need to recharge inorder to make it through the second 1/2 of the parenting years!"  The second half.  Half time.  Another 17 years to go...after all Eli's just in Kindergarten!

Blessings my friends!

Titans Hoodies and THUNDERware - Part I

We love The Classical Academy.  We wear our hoodies proudly!  Titan Nation baby!

When we decided to move to Colorado in 2003, in typical Shanna/Billy form, we flew into town from our home state (Florida) and gave ourselves 1 day (1 WHOLE day) with a Relator to find a house.  (When you have as many kids as we do -- they could eat a babysitter for lunch knowing their parents are across the country.  We are merciful people.) 

The day we choose our lot, we asked the Classic Homes representative for a school recommendation.  He said, "Check into TCA.  I hear it's good."

Always a fan of education philosophy, I had, at the time, been reading everything I could get my hands on about and by Charlotte Mason.  I had also just DEVOURED For the Children's Sake AND For the Families Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.  All rich, wonderful, idealistic books.  The idea of a classical, Charlotte Mason inspired education became my major minor obsession.

At the time, our kids attended Argyle Christian Academy in Jacksonville, Florida.  It was a small, Abeka using, private school - filled with people I'd known my entire life.   Graciously, they offered me my first job as a music teacher.  We LOVED it there.  Crazy loved it.  My classroom was right across the hall from Elizabeth's 2nd grade classroom.  She learned to read and forge my signature there.  And if I taught with my door open, I could hear her working out math problems on the board.  Hosanna was a pilgrim in the Thanksgiving play...after she cried and said she didn't want to do it for an hour and half.  Benjamin was the CUTEST preschooler you've ever seen...with stitches in his head.  3 times.  Billy and I actually, got married in the church building there.  My dad pastored there.  I spent hours and hours and hours of my life there.

Falling in love is a trend with Billy and I -- we get attached -- to people, to places.  Once something serves us well, we (I) have a hard time EVER letting it go.  

I like the idea of being settled.  Community.  Staying.  I don't like to "divorce" people and I hate the idea of burned bridges.  Life is richer when you live in relationship -- when you love deeply -- and it takes a long time to make an "old" friend -- all these things, I value.  It's a blessing and a curse.

So, sitting in my Florida sunroom that Feburary, I got on the internet and began to research TCA.  Immediately jumping out at me was a tab entitled, "Books that Influenced Our Philosophy".  And wouldn't you know...there was a list of all the same books I had in my library.  My most cherished titles...MY obsession was THEIR obsession  .  And, I felt an immediate connection.   

The kind of connection that leads you to believe that the God of the Universe has gone before you -- and prepared a way.  Maybe, He's planned this all along.  A connection that speaks to the deep parts of you, casts out fear and proves you're not so crazy after all!  The connection only two friends make when they read the same books.  ;)

That evening, we joined the other 2,000+ people on the waiting list -- with no priority status whatsoever.  Shortly after our cross country move, miraculously, we still got in.

Yes, the charter school has it's problems as ALL institutions/families/humans do...and to say it lives up to its ideals - well that would be far from accurate.  But we found favor there and our children have flourished.  Really flourished.  

Today, we made a change.  Still wearing our Titans hoodie, but now pulling up our THUNDERware as well.  Big change.  Come back and find out what in Part II tomorrow.

Blessings my friends!

Understated Celebrations

Today was Eli's 6th birthday.

We are into lame understated birthday celebrations...mostly.  We make a big deal over the 13th...and 16th birthday (sometimes)...and well...I don't know what else.  We are just mostly into the understated kind.  

Our recent M.O. has been to offer our kids a modest "birthday budget" and allow them to decide how to spend it.  It's enough to have a small party -- if they desire -- along with a small present if they spend it wisely.  Mostly, they decide to skip the party and have a big present.

A few months ago, Eli informed me (as if I didn't know) that "friends were actually allowed to come to your birthday party."  So, we got to planning a skateboard party -- complete with 10 neighborhood friends.

But today wasn't party day.  It was his actual birthday.

Eli watching his adoption video

I'm not into celebrating twice.  Don't judge.  We have 5 children.  Multiple celebrations (you know, the "friend party" and the "family party" and the "birthday dinner" at a favorite restaurant)  get to be a little much.  If you choose to have a party in our home, we celebrate on the party day.  If not, I'm happy to cook your favorite dinner and we invite family only over to join us.  Sweet and simple.

But truthfully, who doesn't want their ACTUAL birthday to feel special too?  And, what mom can resist?  With Eli, it doesn't take much to make him happy.

He was up early, super excited because he was turning 6.  He used the word "birthday boy" to describe himself 999 times.  It was also Mother Goose Day - so we sent him to school, dressed as the spider who frightened Miss Muffet away -- with a pan of brownies and birthday napkins to share with his friends.

When he came home, mom needed to run errands, so it was off for a birthday Happy Meal (to entertain while in the Kinkos, the Bank and the Albertsons) and then a quick stop at Target where he got to use MiMi's birthday money to purchase 1 toy.  We came home a little later with the very first ever BUZZ LIGHTYEAR toy to ever make it's way in to the RamFam home.

Eli, "I really know a lot of facts about Buzz Lightyear".  Me, "Like what"?  Eli, "Well, he was in a movie called TOY STORY 3 and he has a laser that really works!"  Later he said, "Maybe he was in ALL the Toy Story movies"?  Maybe.

Buzz entertained wonderfully while mom had to work, after all, it wasn't moms birthday.

Around 6:30, I quickly threw together a "Birthday Dinner" of chicken and asparagus -- which we ate on paper plates with Buzz Light Year as our "centerpiece".  Eli's siblings took one look at the table, the paper plates...and began to tell me how lame it was.  To which I IMMEDIATELY put them to work.  Don't mess with mom! 

Eli however was in birthday boy heaven.  Loving the momentary center of attention, he was extra affectionate.  Kissing my hand, he said, "mommy I could just hug you all day".  Melt.  My.  Heart.

We cooked some cupcakes -- given to us in our BOO bag by the neighbors -- and sang a birthday song.

To complete our lame celebration, after dinner -- we headed to Walmart to purchase some supplies for all the other kids who are attending Corem Deo this weekend.  There, he was delighted to discover he would be allowed to pick out another toy with his money from Granga.  After declaring he really liked money, he picked a Jedi sword and a hot wheels car.

As we leave he asks, "Is it still my birthday"?  "Sure", I say.  "It's your birthday until bedtime".  Eli, "Then can I stay up late"?  Me, "Of course.  Today is special".

He smiled...skipped to the car even.  Lame?  Special?  It's all the eye of the beholder.

(And for those of you who may be worried, he still gets his Skateboard party on Sunday!)

Fall Break 2012

We've spent this past week on Fall Break.  For my Florida family and friends, it's just like Spring Break, but it's in the Fall.  We have fall here.  This is what it looks like...

This...

And this....

We slept in, made pinterest crafts (well I bought the supplies for Victoria to make pinterest crafts), cooked beautiful dinners and ate at a decorated dining room table.

Billy and I had brunch together and took the kids to the Penny Arcade in Manitou - where every game is sure to cost at least a quarter.

All three of my guys playing Poll Position...

Bull Riding....sorta

Introduction to Pinball....

I spent a few hours each day reading.  I worked out and made sure I ate healthy.  I napped.  I relaxed.

I took the kids to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and enjoyed the day.  My 15 year old blessed me by tagging along and being totally delightful.  Yes, I bribed her by letting her drive us all the way to Denver...on the Highway...but still...

We found Eli a Halloween Costume for $3.99 at the Goodwill.

Some of us did a lot of this.....

And this.....

And this....

We ended the week by preparing for and having a family dinner for our youngest daughter's birthday.  Our friends Jamie and Mark let her spend her birthday on their farm, Sterling Acres, harvesting honey.

While she was away, we cleaned and made things look a little more "special" than they usually do around here...

We spent the evening watching old home movies and, Victoria ended up having a very good time with the Ramfam!

Tomorrow, we all go back to school and work.  Even though I understand that vacation is made sweet only in contrast to our hard working every day life, admittedly, we still aren't thrilled that it's over.  Fortunately, FALL is here to stay and I am making good progress on my FALL PLAY LIST.  Click here to view!

On that note, I'll leave you with a favorite vacation quote!  Until Thanksgiving Break....

To get away from one's working environment is, in a sense, to get away from one's self; and this is often the chief advantage of travel and change. - Charles Horton Cooley

Ode to my Mother....

Recently, my mother came for a visit.

She once described me as "laid back".  I'm sure I said something like, "What? I'm not laid back!  My family wouldn't describe me as laid back".  She said, "Well, compared to me...you're asleep".

And such starts the list of differences between me and my mom...

But we're a lot alike too.  As I grow older, I appreciate this fact more and more.

My mom is a hard worker.  She likes to be prepared.  Yet she tempers her hard work with fun...and she cares that  those around her are having fun too.

Kitchen Knives

My moms "NON-LAID BACKNESS" causes her to be attentive to many details that I would simply over look.  While shopping for Benjamin's birthday party supplies she says, "You need to get some plastic knives".  I say, "Why?  We have tons of forks".  She says, "You can't spread mayonnaise with a fork.  Grown ups like knives and you have a serious shortage".  Plastic knives go into the buggy.

Shortly thereafter, she bought us a new set of kitchen knives.  Steak knives, chopping knives, paring knives.
We haven't had a new knife since we got married 18 years ago.  My father-in-law has tried on many occasions to sharpen the small, dull set we have, to no avail.  I always get strange looks when I ask a friend joining us for dinner to help by cutting a tomato with a butter knife.  We own 3 butter knives by the way.

Cereal Bowls

Mom looking through  my kitchen cabinets, "Shanna, do you own a cereal bowl?"  Me, "Sure".  My mom thinks I answer 'sure' a lot.  I then proceed to hold up a coffee mug.  Mom shakes her head no.  I hold up a ceramic chili bowl my grandmother painted (roughly 30 years ago).  Again, my mother shakes her head.  I push to the back of the cabinet and find a Christmas bowl.  "What about this one"? Now we are laughing.  That afternoon, I had a new set of cereal bowls.  Maybe our first set.  I'm not sure.

Triple E Width Shoes

Upon seeing the condition of my shoes, she insisted we head straight to the shoe store.  She announces loudly as we enter, "We need help!"  Sales girl runs over.  Mother, "Please measure her foot.  Bring every wide shoe you have in her size and try them on her feet"!  I got new shoes.

By the end of her visit, besides knives and bowls and shoes, she had bought us new blankets, pillows, a Kurig coffee maker and accessories, squishy bath mats, paid for her own birthday dinner at Red Lobster, lunch at Chick Fil A, pedicures for all the girls (including hot wax, gel polish, and my first ever toe flower/jewel), new cosmetics and left a check on the dining room table.

And I had a revelation.  She was taking care of me.

When you are a mother, in my case, a 38 year old mother of 5, you are busy taking care of others...all the time.  (And, I do mean all the time.)  You don't have chances to think about cereal bowls, knives or sometimes -- the condition of your own shoes.  Infact, it's easy to think on occasion  "Who takes care of me?  Who cooks  dinner for me or makes sure MY day is special"?  Let's face it, moms are easily taken for granted.

But, my mom was here -- taking care of me...and I deeply appreciated it.

This week, I mailed her a package of fall goodies.  A little something to make one of her days feel special too.

There is no great point here.  No moral to my story.  No wrap up of great revelation for YOU.  Just a few paragraphs to honor my mother -- from whom I've learned that it's good to give and to receive.  It's good not to take each other for granted.  It's good to take care of your family.  To say you're sorry...not to quit...to be brave...and that cereal bowls are far superior than mugs at holding Frosted Flakes.

Love you mom!

Fall Play List!

I often make summer things to do lists.  You know, the fun kind of list.  This year, mine was rather short.  So short in fact I could keep it all in my head.  Something like...spend as much time in the pool as possible.  I succeeded.

Now, fall is on the horizon.  Can't say that makes me happy as of yet.  Mainly because school supply shopping, schedules and early bedtimes fall somewhere in there and those aren't my favorite.  So...I'm making a fall list of things I DO like to do...just so I can live in the moment and not miss any good thing!  Happiness!  Fall happiness!

So without further ado...

- Drink a Pumpkin Spice from Starbucks.
- Run the Turkey Trot.  Mostly run, not mostly walk.
- Plan homemade Halloween Costumes.  Plan a pre-trick or treat hot chocolate with my neighbors.

- Draw in Nature Journal.
- Carve pumpkins (Host a contest...with a prize).
- Be thankful.  Write it down.
- Read our Thanksgiving Book as a family.  Even if no one wants too.  They won't die.

- Make pumpkin bread.  Share with neighbors.
- Start Christmas Shopping
- Decorate the house for fall

- Put fall flowers by the front door.
- Make Candy Apples
- Find a Corn Maze.  Be smarter than Billy.  Beat Billy.

- Make Indian Corn Cupcakes
- Make pumpkin paper mache with Eli
- Convince the kids to bob for apples

- Spend a family day in the mountains.  Eat dinner at the Mason Jar.
- Plan birthday parties for Benjamin, Eli, Victoria, AND Billy.
- Purchase a Titans hoddie and enjoy Ben's football games.

Join me!  What's on YOUR fun fall to do list?

Parent Teacher Conference

Today was Parent Teacher Conference Day.  For Eli.

We show up, right on time, eager to speak with his sweet Kindergarten teacher and possibly the speech or occupational therapist.

Eli is at The Classical Academy's North Campus.  For those in the know, we suspected it might be a stretch putting him in TCA -- with his visual impairment.  The charter school we love is mostly great, but it is also, most definitely, ridged and set in it's ways.  When it comes to veering off the path laid out for the average child, they have a slightly "unaccommodating"reputation.  Still, we decided to go ahead and see how it goes.

As we entered the classroom, almost immediately the teacher began to tear up.  B and I look at one another.  She starts off, "It's been a challenge.  I've had to learn new things.  But, (tears flowing now), I just love him so much.  He's amazing!  He's such a blessing and you guys are amazing too!"  The speech therapist hands her a Kleenex.

B and I exchange glances.  Clearly, I'm not FB friends with Mrs. Garcia.  Otherwise, she would have known that yesterday I forgot my 8:30 am client (even though she comes at 8:30 am EVERY WEEK).  I was still in my PJ's when she knocked on the door!  I showed up at 10:20 am to teach the first of (6) one hour classes with the wrong lesson plans.  Billy's car broke down.  Elizabeth threw her $300 retainer in the trash AND lost her debit card!  My sub was running late.  Seriously, the last couple of weeks have been the scariest environment imaginable.

B says quietly, "In this case 'amazing' must mean...tired".  I whisper, "...and broke."  We both giggled thinking of all the other adjectives we'd like to throw into this back and forth conversation.  We could have entertained ourselves all day...but Miss Garcia was still having a moment.

She went on to explain her modified classroom procedures and that Eli was at the top of his game when it came to being patient and learning his phonograms.  

Finally, she cuts to the chase.  "I feel like God has been calling us to adopt," says Mrs. Garcia.  "I spent the entire last year praying about it.  We've finished almost all of the requirements to foster adopt and I think God's put Eli in my class for a reason..."

We both smile.  Shift in conversation.  Three parent-teacher time slots later -- we go home a little taken a back.

It's funny.  When you're running late in your PJ's...emptied your Dave Ramsey ER fund on car repairs for the 100th time...feel guilty for telling nearly adult daughter she has to pay for her own replacement retainer...have a "doubled-in-size-practically-overnight" business that you're not sure you're stewarding correctly (and even if you are -- it's making you tired)... and can't tell if your 13 year old son is retarded or just in puberty...amongst many, many other things....................................

Well, God can still use you.

And that's AMAZING.