Ode to my Mother....

Recently, my mother came for a visit.

She once described me as "laid back".  I'm sure I said something like, "What? I'm not laid back!  My family wouldn't describe me as laid back".  She said, "Well, compared to me...you're asleep".

And such starts the list of differences between me and my mom...

But we're a lot alike too.  As I grow older, I appreciate this fact more and more.

My mom is a hard worker.  She likes to be prepared.  Yet she tempers her hard work with fun...and she cares that  those around her are having fun too.

Kitchen Knives

My moms "NON-LAID BACKNESS" causes her to be attentive to many details that I would simply over look.  While shopping for Benjamin's birthday party supplies she says, "You need to get some plastic knives".  I say, "Why?  We have tons of forks".  She says, "You can't spread mayonnaise with a fork.  Grown ups like knives and you have a serious shortage".  Plastic knives go into the buggy.

Shortly thereafter, she bought us a new set of kitchen knives.  Steak knives, chopping knives, paring knives.
We haven't had a new knife since we got married 18 years ago.  My father-in-law has tried on many occasions to sharpen the small, dull set we have, to no avail.  I always get strange looks when I ask a friend joining us for dinner to help by cutting a tomato with a butter knife.  We own 3 butter knives by the way.

Cereal Bowls

Mom looking through  my kitchen cabinets, "Shanna, do you own a cereal bowl?"  Me, "Sure".  My mom thinks I answer 'sure' a lot.  I then proceed to hold up a coffee mug.  Mom shakes her head no.  I hold up a ceramic chili bowl my grandmother painted (roughly 30 years ago).  Again, my mother shakes her head.  I push to the back of the cabinet and find a Christmas bowl.  "What about this one"? Now we are laughing.  That afternoon, I had a new set of cereal bowls.  Maybe our first set.  I'm not sure.

Triple E Width Shoes

Upon seeing the condition of my shoes, she insisted we head straight to the shoe store.  She announces loudly as we enter, "We need help!"  Sales girl runs over.  Mother, "Please measure her foot.  Bring every wide shoe you have in her size and try them on her feet"!  I got new shoes.

By the end of her visit, besides knives and bowls and shoes, she had bought us new blankets, pillows, a Kurig coffee maker and accessories, squishy bath mats, paid for her own birthday dinner at Red Lobster, lunch at Chick Fil A, pedicures for all the girls (including hot wax, gel polish, and my first ever toe flower/jewel), new cosmetics and left a check on the dining room table.

And I had a revelation.  She was taking care of me.

When you are a mother, in my case, a 38 year old mother of 5, you are busy taking care of others...all the time.  (And, I do mean all the time.)  You don't have chances to think about cereal bowls, knives or sometimes -- the condition of your own shoes.  Infact, it's easy to think on occasion  "Who takes care of me?  Who cooks  dinner for me or makes sure MY day is special"?  Let's face it, moms are easily taken for granted.

But, my mom was here -- taking care of me...and I deeply appreciated it.

This week, I mailed her a package of fall goodies.  A little something to make one of her days feel special too.

There is no great point here.  No moral to my story.  No wrap up of great revelation for YOU.  Just a few paragraphs to honor my mother -- from whom I've learned that it's good to give and to receive.  It's good not to take each other for granted.  It's good to take care of your family.  To say you're sorry...not to quit...to be brave...and that cereal bowls are far superior than mugs at holding Frosted Flakes.

Love you mom!

Fall Play List!

I often make summer things to do lists.  You know, the fun kind of list.  This year, mine was rather short.  So short in fact I could keep it all in my head.  Something like...spend as much time in the pool as possible.  I succeeded.

Now, fall is on the horizon.  Can't say that makes me happy as of yet.  Mainly because school supply shopping, schedules and early bedtimes fall somewhere in there and those aren't my favorite.  So...I'm making a fall list of things I DO like to do...just so I can live in the moment and not miss any good thing!  Happiness!  Fall happiness!

So without further ado...

- Drink a Pumpkin Spice from Starbucks.
- Run the Turkey Trot.  Mostly run, not mostly walk.
- Plan homemade Halloween Costumes.  Plan a pre-trick or treat hot chocolate with my neighbors.

- Draw in Nature Journal.
- Carve pumpkins (Host a contest...with a prize).
- Be thankful.  Write it down.
- Read our Thanksgiving Book as a family.  Even if no one wants too.  They won't die.

- Make pumpkin bread.  Share with neighbors.
- Start Christmas Shopping
- Decorate the house for fall

- Put fall flowers by the front door.
- Make Candy Apples
- Find a Corn Maze.  Be smarter than Billy.  Beat Billy.

- Make Indian Corn Cupcakes
- Make pumpkin paper mache with Eli
- Convince the kids to bob for apples

- Spend a family day in the mountains.  Eat dinner at the Mason Jar.
- Plan birthday parties for Benjamin, Eli, Victoria, AND Billy.
- Purchase a Titans hoddie and enjoy Ben's football games.

Join me!  What's on YOUR fun fall to do list?

Parent Teacher Conference

Today was Parent Teacher Conference Day.  For Eli.

We show up, right on time, eager to speak with his sweet Kindergarten teacher and possibly the speech or occupational therapist.

Eli is at The Classical Academy's North Campus.  For those in the know, we suspected it might be a stretch putting him in TCA -- with his visual impairment.  The charter school we love is mostly great, but it is also, most definitely, ridged and set in it's ways.  When it comes to veering off the path laid out for the average child, they have a slightly "unaccommodating"reputation.  Still, we decided to go ahead and see how it goes.

As we entered the classroom, almost immediately the teacher began to tear up.  B and I look at one another.  She starts off, "It's been a challenge.  I've had to learn new things.  But, (tears flowing now), I just love him so much.  He's amazing!  He's such a blessing and you guys are amazing too!"  The speech therapist hands her a Kleenex.

B and I exchange glances.  Clearly, I'm not FB friends with Mrs. Garcia.  Otherwise, she would have known that yesterday I forgot my 8:30 am client (even though she comes at 8:30 am EVERY WEEK).  I was still in my PJ's when she knocked on the door!  I showed up at 10:20 am to teach the first of (6) one hour classes with the wrong lesson plans.  Billy's car broke down.  Elizabeth threw her $300 retainer in the trash AND lost her debit card!  My sub was running late.  Seriously, the last couple of weeks have been the scariest environment imaginable.

B says quietly, "In this case 'amazing' must mean...tired".  I whisper, "...and broke."  We both giggled thinking of all the other adjectives we'd like to throw into this back and forth conversation.  We could have entertained ourselves all day...but Miss Garcia was still having a moment.

She went on to explain her modified classroom procedures and that Eli was at the top of his game when it came to being patient and learning his phonograms.  

Finally, she cuts to the chase.  "I feel like God has been calling us to adopt," says Mrs. Garcia.  "I spent the entire last year praying about it.  We've finished almost all of the requirements to foster adopt and I think God's put Eli in my class for a reason..."

We both smile.  Shift in conversation.  Three parent-teacher time slots later -- we go home a little taken a back.

It's funny.  When you're running late in your PJ's...emptied your Dave Ramsey ER fund on car repairs for the 100th time...feel guilty for telling nearly adult daughter she has to pay for her own replacement retainer...have a "doubled-in-size-practically-overnight" business that you're not sure you're stewarding correctly (and even if you are -- it's making you tired)... and can't tell if your 13 year old son is retarded or just in puberty...amongst many, many other things....................................

Well, God can still use you.

And that's AMAZING.

My head is spinning right round....

Like a record.

Yes, you read me right.

My head is spinning.

Tonight, Billy took Hosanna to the E.R.  She decided to have a heck of a tooth ache over Labor Day Weekend -- add a cocktail of leftover drugs given by a mommy desperate to control her child's pain -- and low and behold her mouth/lip/nose swelled up like she'd eaten a tennis ball (although hard to see in this picture)!

I suspect soon she'll get a Benadryl juice box!  Her hair still looks cute though?????????????????

This story is not unlike this one...

http://usandeli.blogspot.com/2009/06/good-grief-but-it-is-well.html

Right before that, I was reading Elizabeth's college scholarship letter and writing in her journal.  We've been writing to her in a journal since...well...since before she was even born.  Yup, 17 PLUS years worth of journal entries.  I realized...it was almost full.  We were almost to the end.  Just 8 months until graduation.  We will wrap the journal and give it to her as a gift.  Tear.

Before THAT, I was pondering Benjamin's up and coming 13th birthday celebration.  Money is tight for us right now.  As long as things like "Back to School", "Trips to the E.R." and "Christmas" only come around EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE -- we fair pretty well.  This past month getting ready for school almost killed us.  Seriously.  Going through the Target check out I say loudly, "How can THAT POSSIBLY total $500 -- the packs of paper are ONLY 15 cents!"  My reaction in the shoe store was WORSE!  With Dave Ramsey, you win some...you lose some.  When they told me my 7th grader needed a $100 calculator...I lost it.

13 is a special birthday in our house.  We think if our kids can survive our parenting for 13 years, they deserve some ceremonial  statement-- surrounded by our faith community -- that they've lived there childhood well.  So far, so good.  Three down.  2 more to go (we are rooting for Victoria and Eli)!

Truthfully, as if you couldn't tell, we are proud of them -- grateful -- joyful even for their lives.  At 13, we release them if you will to be young adults -- and we try to make sure they know we posses confidence they have what it takes to navigate this life well.

Here are some thoughts from my daughters 13th bdays....

http://usandeli.blogspot.com/2009/12/teenagers-birthday-cakes-and-purity.html

Mostly today, I imagined all the things I wanted to buy for Ben.  Would I have the money to go all out?  Probably not.   

I have a lot of empathy for others in this area.  I've been trying to live by the idea that - basically, there are two choices here.  To worry.  Or to confess the things -- the moments -- God's really come through for me in the past.  They BOTH require energy and an investment of my time.  I can be upset by things I can't control -- or pray, be positive and believe God has my good in mind.  So.....

I decide to get my mind off of "stuff".  I started flipping through my Bible.  The one Billy bought me 18 years ago when we got married.  I KNOW I can give my son the gift of a true blessing...honor...and it won't cost me one red cent.   

I decided to write out EVERY scripture from my Bible that I had written the name "Benjamin" beside.  Over the years, as I've prayed for him -- if a particular scripture jumped out at me -- I'd write his name beside it and continue to "pray" the words for my son.  

The scriptures, the promises, were numerous.  13 YEARS of praying for this kid...

Mix that with a couple of conversations with hurting friends...a much needed catch up session with my cousin (and possibly my oldest friend) whom I'm missing a lot today...and what can I say?  I'm a wreck!

Where have all the little people in my life gone?

Note to self for tomorrow:  this was probably too much pondering and thinking for one day!

Weighing in on Weight Loss Surgery - Part II

Many months ago, at the beginning of 2012, I wrote a few blogs documenting my first steps and thoughts towards having weight loss surgery.  I briefly published them, only to have 101 total strangers email me about buying their weight loss products.  I took the blogs down, because, I mean really -- who cares?  Truth be told though, since having surgery 9 months ago, I've come in contact with MANY people who care -- MANY people who are in the midst of their own journey.  So, if your interested, here's post #2 of mine....


My grown up years have been good.  Maturity is good.  Learning the truth is LIFE giving.  Truth sets you free - and by the time I became an adult, I desperately needed some freedom.  In my 20's and 30's, by the miracle of God's grace, I digested much truth -- an antibody for the lies I believed in childhood.  God began to set me free in areas relating to relationships, society, beauty, worship and more.  I learned how easily we all succumb to lies and just how very hard it is for humans to live a life free of fear.  When I became a parent, I also realized the importance of not having a bad teacher for third grade (if you don't believe in the importance of that and need to be caught up, just click and read here Weighing in on Weight Loss Surgery - Part I).

Most definitely, I've gained some perspective.

Fact, shame can be hard to shake.  Shame picked up in childhood -- can last...a lifetime if you let it.  It is oddly painful and comfortable at the same time.

It was freedom I sought.  And, as it began to come -- it looked differently than I imagined it too.  In regards to my weight, I imagined it looking thin, with all my 18 year old parts back -- in a cute chevron skirt with a jean jacket.

That's not how it came to me.

Freedom came to me first, in my MIND. 

I  knew my issues with food ran deep.  THE PROBLEM WAS WITHIN ME.  And, I needed to address it in an "on-going, this doesn't allow me to quit, I have lots of support, HAVE to stop my life and make this a priority, treat it like life or death, do the hard work" kind of way.

I recognized and  let go of a lie I had heard everyday since fifth grade.  "Today, will be different.  I will change myself and lose the weight."

Realization:  That was a lie.  It sounds virtuous.  It sounds American.  But it wasn't true.  Not for me -- not in THIS particular case.

I am not trying to say that NO ONE is capable of changing their eating habits and losing weight without surgery.  Surgery wasn't my only option.

But, I knew - I knew - that MORE than I believed that today would be the day I'd change myself -- MORE than that, I believed I could NEVER change my eating habits and lose a significant amount of weight. Therefore, surgery became a very important option for me to pursue, and little did I know just how much taking the steps towards it would begin to change my mind.

I believe that when the problem is INSIDE of you, MOST OFTEN, Y.O.U. aren't going to be able to fix it by yourself.  You need help, from the outside.

I made the call to the professionals.

Agenda item #1 - Attend a medically supervised weight loss nutrition/exercise class, once a month, for 6 months.  (All said and done, I would attend for 12 months before having wl surgery)

My first class contained about 200 people with an average weight of about 400 lbs.  They called me the "light weight" - this was good.  It kept me going back.  Truthfully, I learned nothing new.  Eat more veggies.  Avoid sugar.  Avoid large amounts.  Exercise...all the time.

These were my people.

Agenda item #2 - Meet with your Primary Care Doctor who needs to sign off on your surgery.

I have a rule about PC Doctors.  Go there if you have a cold or if you need a referral.  Ours never seemed to do any real "doctor" work.  And this would not be the first time I'd brought up surgery to a doctor.

Doctor #1, "I wouldn't do that.  What if you want to have a nice, big steak dinner sometime?  You won't be able to have anything big."

Call me crazy, but hadn't I had one too many big dinners?

Doctor #2, "Just think of food as fuel and don't eat ANYTHING that tastes good."

Yea, that's helpful.

Doctor #3 (first visit), "The problem is that your diet is s**t.  Just change it.  You can do it.  You don't need surgery, you can do it on your own".  

I seriously wondered if any of these people actually went to medical school.

Overlook the fact that a doctor really doesn't need to cuss to connect with me -- in fact my expectation is that a doctor be smarter than me and show it via his upgraded vocabulary, I knew by now that "You can do it own your own", just wasn't going to work for me.  If I kept to this belief, I knew I had a real chance of becoming  the 400 lbs, 60 year old woman puffing on oxygen WISHING I would have gotten more help when I was 38.  I kindly said to the doctor I had known for all of 10 minutes, "If you will just fill out the paper, I'll try...but I'm still going to consider the surgery".

Freedom came - one simple, powerful thought at a time.

As of August 6, 2012, I am now 1/2 way though my prep work for surgery and am still moving forward.

I rarely talk about it with others.  I know there are risks, horror stories and still more changes I must make...like making peace with a more strict, disciplined me (and raw veggies).  I'm not asking other people's opinions, permission or going into it lightly.  I'm a through, thinking, praying person.  It's my journey, and I'm owning it.  Freedom doesn't come in just one way -- and I am daily saying to God with an open mind and heart that it certainly doesn't have to come to me only in the way I imagined it would.  And, that is how you know, you really want to be free.


Blessings,

They weren't born Olympians

To say our adoptive son Eli came to us, age 3, FILLED with fear is not an over exaggeration.  He was a contradiction in terms.  Little vision, but still wanting to copy his siblings...trembling, he would force himself to try things.  Scared, but brave.

It all started one day when he expressed an interest in learning to drive his father's dirt bike.  "Yes, you can learn to drive a dirt bike," I said, "but first you have to learn to swim.  And you can't learn to swim if you cry every time the shower water touches your face."  For those of you who are confused, that's mommy logic.

For 2 YEARS, every time I rinsed his hair, I would remind him that we were heading towards riding a dirt bike!  When he finally had break through he would tell people, "My mom washed my hair and I didn't cry!".  

Once we had that down, I thought we should move on to a private swim lesson or two.  Eli now 5, "I'm not old enough for swim lessons".  Me, "Yes you are!  When Ben was your age he could swim laps in the pool!"  Eli under his breath, "No. I think you're suppose to be 6 before you can swim!"  Mom rolls her eyes.

 From day one I could tell Eli wasn't crazy about it.  But his super compliant personality would lend to doing everything the swim teacher told him.  THAT lent to quick progress in the water.  After a vaca to Florida and several trips to the pool with mom, he really enjoys swimming now.

He gets all around -- shallow end, deep end, water slide, with a float, without a float, jumps in and goes under -- you name it.  He recently earned a LEVEL 1 swim certificate from Miss Allie at Little Fins Swim School and was awarded his own pair of goggles from mom and dad.  To say he was excited was an understatement.  "I jumped in and didn't cry!"  He's said 100 times.

Similarly, Eli has had success in many areas.  He puts about 100 miles a day on his bike sans training wheels. Now, when his brother first took those little stabilizers off, you would have thought we'd cut off Eli's arm.  He REALLY liked those training wheels!  These days, he's the only little one in our circle going up and down drive ways, jumping ramps, poppin wheelies.  Sight or no sight, he hits the ramp as fast as he can, standing up on his pedals, lovin every minute of it.  This afternoon, I heard him tell his friend Tyler, "I was NEVER  scared to take MY training wheels off".  Liar.

When our family was on our way to Dick's Sports to purchase Eli's swim goggles and reveling in his success, Eli proclaims loudly, "Hey mom, don't you remember when I was 4 and I was afraid to go under the water?"  Me, "Yes sweetie, I totally remember that!"  Eli laughing, "And then...you just pushed me under anyways!"

Yes, yes I did.

Proctor and Gamble says, "They weren't born Olympians".  True deal, sometimes, they just need a little push.

Should We Leave Well Enough Alone?

Several years ago I heard a statistic that has haunted me.  I was visiting my mother in Florida and we were enjoying a carefree day swimming, jet skiing and listening to her awesome Bose sound system blare through the house.  "If one family from every organized religious group in America would adopt one child from foster care...it would eliminate all children in foster care".  ELIMINATE ALL CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE?!?!

I paused, all be it for a moment, from my menial sunbathing.  Sometimes, a moment is all God needs.  I resolved quick as lightening to "do my part".  I briefly questioned if the statistic was true.  It didn't matter.  I had already decided.

I decided - in that instance - that we would adopt one child from a foreign country and one child from foster care.  We were ALREADY in the process of adopting from China.  Convenient.  Half way there.

3 years now Eli has been home from Henan China.  And that statistic still plays in my head.

Nowadays, B and I regularly toss the "we should leave well enough alone" line back and forth at the appropriate times.  When people ask, and they frequently do, "Do you plan to adopt again"?  We answer, "We already have 5 kids".  5 kids IS a lot.  We are reasonable people.

(I'd like to throw it in here - for good measure that adoptive families NEVER ask "if we are going to adopt again".  It's usually people who HAVEN'T adopted that enjoy posing this question to our already large family.  Makes you wonder...)

I sometimes think, sure we could be "less selfish" and muster the income for "one more".  But money doesn't provide for more emotional energy...or any kind of energy for that matter (the sane part of my brain yells to me).  If I were honest, some days I have the very thought that if we have to only PRAY for one more human being we're going to fall over the deep end.  We are tapped out so it appears.  I can't deny this fact.

I resort to saying "We're closed" and vow to save every dime so that when Elizabeth, Hosanna, Benjamin, Victoria and Eli decide to adopt (and I'm convinced they will) -- like King David funded Solomon's rebuilding of the temple -- we will be prepared to help our tribe bring the lonely into their families.  


I get relentless with my friends.  "You should adopt" "When are YOU going to adopt" "I'm SURE God wants you to adopt".  I'm very popular.  They've stopped having me over.

Yet, the stirring in my own heart is strong. Occasionally, I have the SUPER INSANE thought like we could even adopt a TEENAGER (of all things)!  I mean, if not us, who?  WHO IS GOING TO ADOPT THESE CHILDREN?  Yes, I'm yelling that.

How do you know when God is calling you to do something?  I hate to be very non-spiritual here, but my litmus test is simple.  When something moves from a "good thing we COULD do" to something we feel personality "RESPONSIBLE to do" -- well then, we say it's a calling.

So where am I going with all this?  No where...everywhere.  We have been learning to trust God's timing more and more -- and TODAY isn't it.  There are many reasons we feel tapped out.  But that doesn't mean TOMORROW won't be the right time.  And if it comes down to simply lending our maturity and resources to the next generation to adopt, we are happy with that too.  We are open hearted, and praying.

We should probably leave well enough alone.  But anyone who knows us, knows we have no intention of doing that.  Leaving well enough alone isn't even in us.

What about you?  What is it you should probably leave well enough alone, but in your heart, you know you have no intentions of doing so?