My head is spinning right round....

Like a record.

Yes, you read me right.

My head is spinning.

Tonight, Billy took Hosanna to the E.R.  She decided to have a heck of a tooth ache over Labor Day Weekend -- add a cocktail of leftover drugs given by a mommy desperate to control her child's pain -- and low and behold her mouth/lip/nose swelled up like she'd eaten a tennis ball (although hard to see in this picture)!

I suspect soon she'll get a Benadryl juice box!  Her hair still looks cute though?????????????????

This story is not unlike this one...

http://usandeli.blogspot.com/2009/06/good-grief-but-it-is-well.html

Right before that, I was reading Elizabeth's college scholarship letter and writing in her journal.  We've been writing to her in a journal since...well...since before she was even born.  Yup, 17 PLUS years worth of journal entries.  I realized...it was almost full.  We were almost to the end.  Just 8 months until graduation.  We will wrap the journal and give it to her as a gift.  Tear.

Before THAT, I was pondering Benjamin's up and coming 13th birthday celebration.  Money is tight for us right now.  As long as things like "Back to School", "Trips to the E.R." and "Christmas" only come around EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE -- we fair pretty well.  This past month getting ready for school almost killed us.  Seriously.  Going through the Target check out I say loudly, "How can THAT POSSIBLY total $500 -- the packs of paper are ONLY 15 cents!"  My reaction in the shoe store was WORSE!  With Dave Ramsey, you win some...you lose some.  When they told me my 7th grader needed a $100 calculator...I lost it.

13 is a special birthday in our house.  We think if our kids can survive our parenting for 13 years, they deserve some ceremonial  statement-- surrounded by our faith community -- that they've lived there childhood well.  So far, so good.  Three down.  2 more to go (we are rooting for Victoria and Eli)!

Truthfully, as if you couldn't tell, we are proud of them -- grateful -- joyful even for their lives.  At 13, we release them if you will to be young adults -- and we try to make sure they know we posses confidence they have what it takes to navigate this life well.

Here are some thoughts from my daughters 13th bdays....

http://usandeli.blogspot.com/2009/12/teenagers-birthday-cakes-and-purity.html

Mostly today, I imagined all the things I wanted to buy for Ben.  Would I have the money to go all out?  Probably not.   

I have a lot of empathy for others in this area.  I've been trying to live by the idea that - basically, there are two choices here.  To worry.  Or to confess the things -- the moments -- God's really come through for me in the past.  They BOTH require energy and an investment of my time.  I can be upset by things I can't control -- or pray, be positive and believe God has my good in mind.  So.....

I decide to get my mind off of "stuff".  I started flipping through my Bible.  The one Billy bought me 18 years ago when we got married.  I KNOW I can give my son the gift of a true blessing...honor...and it won't cost me one red cent.   

I decided to write out EVERY scripture from my Bible that I had written the name "Benjamin" beside.  Over the years, as I've prayed for him -- if a particular scripture jumped out at me -- I'd write his name beside it and continue to "pray" the words for my son.  

The scriptures, the promises, were numerous.  13 YEARS of praying for this kid...

Mix that with a couple of conversations with hurting friends...a much needed catch up session with my cousin (and possibly my oldest friend) whom I'm missing a lot today...and what can I say?  I'm a wreck!

Where have all the little people in my life gone?

Note to self for tomorrow:  this was probably too much pondering and thinking for one day!

Weighing in on Weight Loss Surgery - Part II

Many months ago, at the beginning of 2012, I wrote a few blogs documenting my first steps and thoughts towards having weight loss surgery.  I briefly published them, only to have 101 total strangers email me about buying their weight loss products.  I took the blogs down, because, I mean really -- who cares?  Truth be told though, since having surgery 9 months ago, I've come in contact with MANY people who care -- MANY people who are in the midst of their own journey.  So, if your interested, here's post #2 of mine....


My grown up years have been good.  Maturity is good.  Learning the truth is LIFE giving.  Truth sets you free - and by the time I became an adult, I desperately needed some freedom.  In my 20's and 30's, by the miracle of God's grace, I digested much truth -- an antibody for the lies I believed in childhood.  God began to set me free in areas relating to relationships, society, beauty, worship and more.  I learned how easily we all succumb to lies and just how very hard it is for humans to live a life free of fear.  When I became a parent, I also realized the importance of not having a bad teacher for third grade (if you don't believe in the importance of that and need to be caught up, just click and read here Weighing in on Weight Loss Surgery - Part I).

Most definitely, I've gained some perspective.

Fact, shame can be hard to shake.  Shame picked up in childhood -- can last...a lifetime if you let it.  It is oddly painful and comfortable at the same time.

It was freedom I sought.  And, as it began to come -- it looked differently than I imagined it too.  In regards to my weight, I imagined it looking thin, with all my 18 year old parts back -- in a cute chevron skirt with a jean jacket.

That's not how it came to me.

Freedom came to me first, in my MIND. 

I  knew my issues with food ran deep.  THE PROBLEM WAS WITHIN ME.  And, I needed to address it in an "on-going, this doesn't allow me to quit, I have lots of support, HAVE to stop my life and make this a priority, treat it like life or death, do the hard work" kind of way.

I recognized and  let go of a lie I had heard everyday since fifth grade.  "Today, will be different.  I will change myself and lose the weight."

Realization:  That was a lie.  It sounds virtuous.  It sounds American.  But it wasn't true.  Not for me -- not in THIS particular case.

I am not trying to say that NO ONE is capable of changing their eating habits and losing weight without surgery.  Surgery wasn't my only option.

But, I knew - I knew - that MORE than I believed that today would be the day I'd change myself -- MORE than that, I believed I could NEVER change my eating habits and lose a significant amount of weight. Therefore, surgery became a very important option for me to pursue, and little did I know just how much taking the steps towards it would begin to change my mind.

I believe that when the problem is INSIDE of you, MOST OFTEN, Y.O.U. aren't going to be able to fix it by yourself.  You need help, from the outside.

I made the call to the professionals.

Agenda item #1 - Attend a medically supervised weight loss nutrition/exercise class, once a month, for 6 months.  (All said and done, I would attend for 12 months before having wl surgery)

My first class contained about 200 people with an average weight of about 400 lbs.  They called me the "light weight" - this was good.  It kept me going back.  Truthfully, I learned nothing new.  Eat more veggies.  Avoid sugar.  Avoid large amounts.  Exercise...all the time.

These were my people.

Agenda item #2 - Meet with your Primary Care Doctor who needs to sign off on your surgery.

I have a rule about PC Doctors.  Go there if you have a cold or if you need a referral.  Ours never seemed to do any real "doctor" work.  And this would not be the first time I'd brought up surgery to a doctor.

Doctor #1, "I wouldn't do that.  What if you want to have a nice, big steak dinner sometime?  You won't be able to have anything big."

Call me crazy, but hadn't I had one too many big dinners?

Doctor #2, "Just think of food as fuel and don't eat ANYTHING that tastes good."

Yea, that's helpful.

Doctor #3 (first visit), "The problem is that your diet is s**t.  Just change it.  You can do it.  You don't need surgery, you can do it on your own".  

I seriously wondered if any of these people actually went to medical school.

Overlook the fact that a doctor really doesn't need to cuss to connect with me -- in fact my expectation is that a doctor be smarter than me and show it via his upgraded vocabulary, I knew by now that "You can do it own your own", just wasn't going to work for me.  If I kept to this belief, I knew I had a real chance of becoming  the 400 lbs, 60 year old woman puffing on oxygen WISHING I would have gotten more help when I was 38.  I kindly said to the doctor I had known for all of 10 minutes, "If you will just fill out the paper, I'll try...but I'm still going to consider the surgery".

Freedom came - one simple, powerful thought at a time.

As of August 6, 2012, I am now 1/2 way though my prep work for surgery and am still moving forward.

I rarely talk about it with others.  I know there are risks, horror stories and still more changes I must make...like making peace with a more strict, disciplined me (and raw veggies).  I'm not asking other people's opinions, permission or going into it lightly.  I'm a through, thinking, praying person.  It's my journey, and I'm owning it.  Freedom doesn't come in just one way -- and I am daily saying to God with an open mind and heart that it certainly doesn't have to come to me only in the way I imagined it would.  And, that is how you know, you really want to be free.


Blessings,

They weren't born Olympians

To say our adoptive son Eli came to us, age 3, FILLED with fear is not an over exaggeration.  He was a contradiction in terms.  Little vision, but still wanting to copy his siblings...trembling, he would force himself to try things.  Scared, but brave.

It all started one day when he expressed an interest in learning to drive his father's dirt bike.  "Yes, you can learn to drive a dirt bike," I said, "but first you have to learn to swim.  And you can't learn to swim if you cry every time the shower water touches your face."  For those of you who are confused, that's mommy logic.

For 2 YEARS, every time I rinsed his hair, I would remind him that we were heading towards riding a dirt bike!  When he finally had break through he would tell people, "My mom washed my hair and I didn't cry!".  

Once we had that down, I thought we should move on to a private swim lesson or two.  Eli now 5, "I'm not old enough for swim lessons".  Me, "Yes you are!  When Ben was your age he could swim laps in the pool!"  Eli under his breath, "No. I think you're suppose to be 6 before you can swim!"  Mom rolls her eyes.

 From day one I could tell Eli wasn't crazy about it.  But his super compliant personality would lend to doing everything the swim teacher told him.  THAT lent to quick progress in the water.  After a vaca to Florida and several trips to the pool with mom, he really enjoys swimming now.

He gets all around -- shallow end, deep end, water slide, with a float, without a float, jumps in and goes under -- you name it.  He recently earned a LEVEL 1 swim certificate from Miss Allie at Little Fins Swim School and was awarded his own pair of goggles from mom and dad.  To say he was excited was an understatement.  "I jumped in and didn't cry!"  He's said 100 times.

Similarly, Eli has had success in many areas.  He puts about 100 miles a day on his bike sans training wheels. Now, when his brother first took those little stabilizers off, you would have thought we'd cut off Eli's arm.  He REALLY liked those training wheels!  These days, he's the only little one in our circle going up and down drive ways, jumping ramps, poppin wheelies.  Sight or no sight, he hits the ramp as fast as he can, standing up on his pedals, lovin every minute of it.  This afternoon, I heard him tell his friend Tyler, "I was NEVER  scared to take MY training wheels off".  Liar.

When our family was on our way to Dick's Sports to purchase Eli's swim goggles and reveling in his success, Eli proclaims loudly, "Hey mom, don't you remember when I was 4 and I was afraid to go under the water?"  Me, "Yes sweetie, I totally remember that!"  Eli laughing, "And then...you just pushed me under anyways!"

Yes, yes I did.

Proctor and Gamble says, "They weren't born Olympians".  True deal, sometimes, they just need a little push.

Should We Leave Well Enough Alone?

Several years ago I heard a statistic that has haunted me.  I was visiting my mother in Florida and we were enjoying a carefree day swimming, jet skiing and listening to her awesome Bose sound system blare through the house.  "If one family from every organized religious group in America would adopt one child from foster care...it would eliminate all children in foster care".  ELIMINATE ALL CHILDREN IN FOSTER CARE?!?!

I paused, all be it for a moment, from my menial sunbathing.  Sometimes, a moment is all God needs.  I resolved quick as lightening to "do my part".  I briefly questioned if the statistic was true.  It didn't matter.  I had already decided.

I decided - in that instance - that we would adopt one child from a foreign country and one child from foster care.  We were ALREADY in the process of adopting from China.  Convenient.  Half way there.

3 years now Eli has been home from Henan China.  And that statistic still plays in my head.

Nowadays, B and I regularly toss the "we should leave well enough alone" line back and forth at the appropriate times.  When people ask, and they frequently do, "Do you plan to adopt again"?  We answer, "We already have 5 kids".  5 kids IS a lot.  We are reasonable people.

(I'd like to throw it in here - for good measure that adoptive families NEVER ask "if we are going to adopt again".  It's usually people who HAVEN'T adopted that enjoy posing this question to our already large family.  Makes you wonder...)

I sometimes think, sure we could be "less selfish" and muster the income for "one more".  But money doesn't provide for more emotional energy...or any kind of energy for that matter (the sane part of my brain yells to me).  If I were honest, some days I have the very thought that if we have to only PRAY for one more human being we're going to fall over the deep end.  We are tapped out so it appears.  I can't deny this fact.

I resort to saying "We're closed" and vow to save every dime so that when Elizabeth, Hosanna, Benjamin, Victoria and Eli decide to adopt (and I'm convinced they will) -- like King David funded Solomon's rebuilding of the temple -- we will be prepared to help our tribe bring the lonely into their families.  


I get relentless with my friends.  "You should adopt" "When are YOU going to adopt" "I'm SURE God wants you to adopt".  I'm very popular.  They've stopped having me over.

Yet, the stirring in my own heart is strong. Occasionally, I have the SUPER INSANE thought like we could even adopt a TEENAGER (of all things)!  I mean, if not us, who?  WHO IS GOING TO ADOPT THESE CHILDREN?  Yes, I'm yelling that.

How do you know when God is calling you to do something?  I hate to be very non-spiritual here, but my litmus test is simple.  When something moves from a "good thing we COULD do" to something we feel personality "RESPONSIBLE to do" -- well then, we say it's a calling.

So where am I going with all this?  No where...everywhere.  We have been learning to trust God's timing more and more -- and TODAY isn't it.  There are many reasons we feel tapped out.  But that doesn't mean TOMORROW won't be the right time.  And if it comes down to simply lending our maturity and resources to the next generation to adopt, we are happy with that too.  We are open hearted, and praying.

We should probably leave well enough alone.  But anyone who knows us, knows we have no intention of doing that.  Leaving well enough alone isn't even in us.

What about you?  What is it you should probably leave well enough alone, but in your heart, you know you have no intentions of doing so?  

Got'cha Day - Our Third Go Around

Today was our third anniversary of Eli's "Gotcha Day"!


Three, busy years since we came home with a very scared, speechless, frail little boy.


Admittedly back then, I looked longingly at my friends adopted children, all of whom had been home at least three years and wished for their level of normalcy.

My expectations for Eli and the RamFam  in July of 2009 were conjured up in the mist of jet lag and culture shock (mine first, then his).  


Simply put, REST and COMMUNICATION topped my wish list.  You can read about that here.

Eli has learned quite a bit more than a "few English words."  He starts Kindergarten in the Fall..at The Classical Academy...with the rest of his peers.  He will need the special concession of a spot close to the teacher and larger font, but that's it.  He knows his letters, all their sounds and is very much looking forward to reading!  He's learned to ride his bike, write, and this summer  - has enjoyed swimming like a fish.  He's been on a cruise to Mexico and was the third in our family to summit the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado.  He greatly enjoyed a recent trip to MiMi's house where he swam in the ocean, played with his cousins and rode his first roller coaster.  He's become quite a popular "friend" to neighborhood kids -- and anyways, who wouldn't want to play with such an easy going, sweet guy?  

During our first days alone together, I felt the Holy Spirit impress on me that Eli's "transition" would be slow, yet uneventful.  I didn't always trust that this would be the case, but low and behold it has been accurate and we are thankful for it.  

Probably the most significant sign that our son is doing well is that he has stopped asking us, "Are you coming back?"  This was the first English phrase Eli learned.  In the first year and 1/2 he would ask that question at least 45 times a day.  Today, I'm thankful to say, I don't remember the last time he asked ANY of us if we were coming back.  We indeed do - come back.

Three years, and Eli has now been a "Ramsdell" for longer than he was an orphan.  A significant milestone -- for him and his family.  We are thankful and still expecting great things!

Parenting in Real Time...Contentment

Our kids have always shared a room.

When our fourth child was born, we lived in a 3 bedroom apartment.  Our older girls shared a room, and our younger two (son and daughter) shared a room.

We moved to Colorado in 2003 and built a 5 bedroom home.  We still however continued to live out of just 3 rooms for quite sometime.  When we brought Eli home from China and moved my studio partially out of our house shortly thereafter, we did some rearranging.  Elizabeth and Hosanna had been roommates up to that point for about 13 years.

Rearranging, we moved the boys into a shared room -- and in the summer of 2011, all three Ramsdell daughters got their own rooms...for the first time...every.  Historical.  One daughter kept the bedroom that had been shared; one took my "office" as her new room upstairs and one moved into the spare room in the basement.  Since Victoria had always lived in a "boy" room, we decided to start the summer off by redecorating her space.  She selected a light lavender color and we painted our hearts out together.  We hung shelves, made homemade art, made a headboard for her bed and bulletin board for the wall.  Ta-duh!  We had one super cute...VERY large room.

Oddly, the complaints started almost immediately.  Downstairs kid said, "I'm cramped! It's too small!  It's too big!  There's not enough stuff in my room!  I hate the color!  I have too many shelves!  I don't have enough places to put things! It's too cold!  It's hot! It's too bright!  It's too dark! The closet is too small!"  You can picture the agonizing scene.

From the upstairs kid we heard, "It's too cold!  It's too hot!  It's too cramped!  It's an ugly color! The closet is too small!" etc etc etc  E.T.C.!!!!

Eventually, because their parents in general ignore complaining, upstairs kid and downstairs kid got together and decided to take matters into their own hands.  They decided to take one entire weekend and switch rooms.  Genius.  Or so they thought.

Shortly after the switch we began to hear, "It's too cold!  It's too hot!  It's too big!  It's cramped!  I don't like the shelves!  I don't have enough places to put things!  The closet is too small!"  All this from girls who had never had their own space...EVER.  Ugh!!!

This morning, upstairs kid came to me and said, "I wish I hadn't changed rooms!"
I couldn't wasn't going to take it any longer so before this could go any further I said, "Sweetie, (Read: what I'm fixing to say is going to hurt, but it doesn't mean I'm mad at you.)  Your problem is not your room.  MOST kids in the world today (not AMERICA, but in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) do not have their own rooms.  You've been given your own space (more than once) in a nice home with central heat and air...with shelves and a bed from Pottery Barn...your bedroom is freshly painted in the color of you choose.  Your parents gave you $100 to pick out new curtains and a lamp.  You have a brand new desk to organize your school work...and a brand new cushy chair your daddy bought you...just because you asked for it.  You have a large closet filled with clothes and shoes...and a brand new docking system for your IPod.  You are blessed.  Abundantly blessed.  Your problem is that you are over looking how already blessed you are -- and you are neglecting the discipline of being thankful.  You are not hungry, homeless or orphaned (Infact, she has parents who are crazy about her).  You are outrageously blessed compared to 99% of the planet, AND you are complaining about not being MORE blessed."

Light goes on in the child's eyes.  Before I could lecture say anymore the child sighs and says, "You're right mom".  Currently, she's in her room, worship music blaring and hanging up the clean laundry that was piled all over her floor.

These lessons are worth taking the time to teach our children.  AND they are easier to teach when we have learned and willingly remain in the process of learning -- as their parents.  Our kids complaining is often a sign of something deeper (just like our complaining is a sign of something deeper).  Be in process.  Take the time to walk your kids through the process as well.

BREAKING NEWS:  Just heard from upstairs child who all of a sudden has a happy heart, "My room is now clean and looks GREAT!"

"A thankful heart is a happy heart."  - Junior Asparagus, Veggie Tales

7 things to consider when looking for a music teacher...

Researchers have confirmed what piano teachers and moms have known all along, that music lessons really do make kids smarter!

Dr. Frances Rauscher from the University of California at Irvine is recognized for work correlating music - specifically piano instruction - and intelligence. His study, which is focused on the importance of music in the early developmental stages of childhood, has been widely recognized as ground breaking, attracting much media attention. His findings have stated that music lessons are far superior to computer instruction in developing the abstract reasoning skills needed for math and science.

Children who received piano/keyboard instruction performed 34% higher on tests measuring spatial-temporal ability than others.

But when looking for a music teacher, what things should you consider?

Here are 7 qualifications to add to your list that you may not have thought of.

1. Does the teacher have an infectious love of music that can be transferred to the heart of your child?

We all know that becoming an accomplished musician requires time, commitment and practice. But, why commit to something over a long period of time that you do not enjoy?

All small children love music. Look for a teacher who can cultivate and grow this love over the long haul. There will be seasons of commitment and hard work, but that should be balanced by seasons of passion and joy.

2. Look for a teacher who encourages music to be a family affair.

Few of us like to be isolated and sent off alone, especially young children! Any teacher who says a young child should be sent to the piano alone for 30 minutes a day, doesn't have enough early childhood training to warrant your time and money.

Music lessons can be enjoyed by and benefit the entire family! Look for a teacher who understands the needs of younger children. Discuss with them ways to make practice more like play than punishment.

Music does require discipline, but small amounts over a consistent period of time = fulfilling progress without tear!

3. Open Door Policy - If music is to be a family affair, it goes without saying that parents should have access to their child and teacher - during the lesson. You MAY not know a lot about music, but you can tell if teaching and learning are happening.

4. Does your child like the teacher?

I believe children innately like to be around adults who love well. Make sure your child "clicks" with his or her teacher. They should enjoy one another. Your child should feel encouraged and challenged, not condemned or afraid.

5. Patience is a virtue.

All teachers need patience and piano teachers are no exception. Find someone with the patience to give your child a good foundation. Rushing isn't good. In music, the muscle memory alone required to master a level requires much repetition.

6. Process not performance...

Music lessons are naturally "performance" oriented - sit this way, hold your hands that way, read the music like this, etc.

Young children grow weary of this. Find someone who can take these performance concepts and disguise them within the process and joy of learning something new. Everything doesn't have to be perfect all the time. We learn music because we love music!

7. A music teacher is ultimately there to assist YOU, the parent, in drawing out the gifts, talents, and interest that reside within your child. A good teacher will be attentive to the goals of your family and will attempt to tailor a program that meets the needs of your child and your family!

Musically,

Shanna Ramsdell