Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Unedited, Random Conversations from the Trenches...

I love doing Aqua Aerobics with the lil'ol ladies at the Y.  Really, I do.  So much.

Some of the women talk and visit THE ENTIRE CLASS.

Heart rate up?  No.

Breathing heavy?  No.

Muscles burning?  No.

There to workout?  No.

I, however, am actually trying to workout.  Soooooo, when Miss Violet begins to engage me in conversation, I am forced to give her the shortest answers possible.

Such as...

Miss Violet, "Shanna, I love your son.  Is your husband Chinese as well?"

Me, "Yes, Billy is Chinese."


Random conversation with one of my children...

Child, "Mom, I need new under ware."

Me, "I JUST bought you 20 new pairs 2 months ago.  Where are they?"

Child, "I threw them away."

Mom looks confused.

Child explains, "You know, when I didn't feel like washing them."



Random text with husband who works late, late, late on Wednesday nights...

Me, "I am in a cuddly mood.  But, it probably won't last."

Husband, "Me too.  I'm an hour away.  Crap."


Text to a friend at 10:15 pm the night before school starts...

Me, "What time does school even start tomorrow?"

I warned you I hated back to school.

Speaking of back to school...

Just for's the supply list for 5 children going back to school:

1 package construction paper
1 pack of copy paper
7 packages of dry erase markers
3 pkg graph paper
3 rolls of scotch tape
4 glue sticks
1 bottle of Elmers glue
1 protractor
Student Planner
4 blue pens
5 Ticonderoga dozen pencils
3 USB memory sticks
1 in 3 ring binder
3 composition notebooks
TI-30 solar calculator
Consumable Math workbook
Consumable Careers workbook
16 crayold markers
5 dozen colored pencils
5 pair of scissors
6 boxes facial tissure
1 ruler
2 rolls paper towels
3 container sanitizing wipes
2 box zipper quart bags
1 box zipper gallon bags
1 box sandwhich bags
(11) 1 1/2 in 3 ring binder with a clear view cover
26 tab dividers
1 blue folder without fasteners
1 green folder without fasteners
1 yellow folder without fasteners
1 tow pocket plastic folder - purple
1 box crayons
2 large glue sticks
1 scissors blunt tip
1 plastic school box
2 large white rubber erasers
400 count baby wipes
1 old sock
Art shirt
1 box Dixie cups
2 boxes of 24 spoons
1 roll paper towels
5 pack 2x2 post it notes
sheet protectors
college ruled notebook paper (15 packs)
Scientific calculator
6 highlighters
red pens
Fine tip markers
P.E. Uniform
hole punch
basket for locker
locker shelf
Head phones with boom microphone
Keyboard cover
New Uniforms

Just the bare minimum.

NOT to INCLUDE:  hair cuts, new shoes, new socks, new under ware for child who throws theirs away, new software, sports fees and sports physicals.

Also NOT to INCLUDE:  College girl's sheets, towels, lamp, fan, food, books, supplies, dishes, healthy snacks, bath mat, care products, head bands, pony tail holders, new shorts because it's like "100 degrees in Fort Collins", white and colored note cards, snow boots, bike, bike light, lock and basket, bike registration, parking pass, tuition and repairs to car.  And, oh yea, mom can I have some gas money.

Also NOT to INCLUDE:  $330 worth of fees to be paid to for parking passes, technology fees, workbooks, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

And don't even think I didn't notice that $10 charge for Victoria's Spanish workbook...and she isn't even taking Spanish.

If I'm not stressed yet, by all of THAT...

There's the 1,589 emails I get from 5 different schools each containing 3,493,978,290,932 new orders and details for me to adhere too.

There should be a rule.

Each school is allowed to send out 1 email.  Containing 1 list.  The end.

And all the while I'm getting my own business ready to re-open for Fall as well (I have lists of my lists at this point and I am DARING my husband to say, 'I think you forgot something') -- and they slap "Back to School Night" on me?!?!?!?!?!

No.  I just say no.  I hate to be "that parent" who doesn't go to the Back to School Night.  My sons sweet, hand written "letter" sitting on the desk all lonely -- other parents shaking their heads at our neglect and the teacher sending me an email that she'll "catch up with me when she can".  Sigh.

But, on paper at least, I am THAT parent -- for sheer survival I must be.  And, me and teacher should just shoot straight with each other from the start.  I rock in a lot of areas!  Back to school night ain't gonna be one of them.  Homework is another.

Homework with Eli...

Me, "Eli, you are suppose to write the number that comes after 29."

Eli, "20?"

Me, "No.  30.  Do you know how to write 30?"

Eli, "Yes."  Writes 2-0.

Me, "Eli, no.  Does 30 start with a 2 or a 3?"

Eli, "Starts with a 4".

Me, "A 4?  Eli, what number are you writing?"

Eli, "I forgot."

Me, "Eli, you are writing 30.  3 - 0.  Just write 3 - 0."


Parents who make it through back to school without hurting anyone should get nominated for Nobel Peace Prizes.  It's why the car line is so crazy the first couple of weeks.  After taking the ENTIRE MONTH to get ready for Aug 22nd, it's parents way of saying, "We just want out of here!  Let us out!  Let us out!"

And, teachers should run the government.  God bless'em all!


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