When we selected Eli's file for consideration, we consulted over the phone with the leading expert on children's Glaucoma in our area AND our pediatrician. Between the three of us, none could fully interpret his poorly kept medical records. Basically, we knew he'd be some where between corrected vision and totally blind.
Eli's right eye is totally blind. Not only did he have cataracts at birth (in both eyes), a separate defect caused high eye pressure (glaucoma). By the time he came to America, his optic nerve was eroded 99%.
Because the eye gets no use, it is in the process of dying. The end result, a prosthetic eye.
For the past 3 years, his eye has been stable. His last pressure reading, 6 months ago was a "9" -- which is fairly low.
Yesterday, we got a call from his school teacher stating that he was crying because his eye was burning. We saw Dr. Lee to discover that the pressure had gone back up to a "40". High enough to be painful. Currently, we are using topical drops to try and bring the pressure down in to comfortable ranges. If that doesn't work -- he'll have a little procedure done. The goal is to postpone the prosthetic for awhile longer to allow for more growth and lessen the chance of complications.
In the mean time, we thank God the kid has 1 healthy eye! Although his left eye does not have a LENS, it is functioning normally. He's doing well in Kindergarten, learning his letters, writing, etc. Recently, we received a scholarship that allowed us to get a CT TV for him for $200 (normal cost $3,000). He works with one at school to blow his papers up to the correct font size.
We are all so in love with this little guy. Most days, I can't believe he was considered a "hard case".
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
5 years ago...today...and we're still here...
I remember where I was 5 years ago.
Not to long before, I resigned my position at New Life Church. Pastor Ted was gone, and so were about 5,000 other people -- and the stress of having a full time business, a large family AND being on staff at a church that seemed to be falling apart at the seems was just too much. I had no intention of abandoning ship, but I also knew, for my sanity, I needed to simplify. Taking the advice of my sister, I decided to simplify by eliminating what was causing me the most stress.
Had I not made that decision, not only myself, but my entire family would have been in the exact hallway -- as we usually were -- the gunman entered that morning.
My mother had been visiting and we just so happened to leave church early that morning to take her back to the airport. I remember telling her what a safe place Colorado Springs was on that drive. Billy was home with our small children, but Elizabeth stayed back to finish church and hang out with some family friends.
I returned home shortly after service would have ended. The phone rang. Billy answered and heard Elizabeth's frightened voice on the other end. The conversation went something like this...
Elizabeth, "Daddy, don't come up to the church! Someone is here shooting people!"
Billy asks Elizabeth's to repeat herself.
Billy, "Elizabeth, where are you? What adults are with you?"
Elizabeth, "I'm in Pastor Brady's Office. I'm calling from Pastor Daniel's cell phone. He's here, Pastor Brady and some man named Jack Hafford".
We were alarmed. And, "Don't come up to the church," translated in her dads mind to, "Shanna, get in the car. We are going to get Elizabeth!"
We dropped our small children off at Billy's parents and headed to the New Life building, only 1 mile from our home.
It was already surrounded by SWAT team members, with shields and weapons ready for the possibility of a second shooter. We briefly discussed driving through the building to get our daughter. We knew exactly which door would be closet to her. Reasonable, we were not. We argued. Fortunately, we obeyed the SWAT team and drove to the perimeter of the campus. Looking back, a better choice than driving through the building.
What happened before we arrived?
Service had ended a little early that day. Elizabeth had been heading up the stairs to the executive office to find her grandmother. Half way up the stair case, the gunman entered the hallway opposite of her. The security guard that eventually brought him down, entered the hallway from behind her. Hearing gunshots and cussing disoriented Elizabeth. Confused she started to descend back down the stairs -- straight into the danger and line of fire below. A pastor, locked behind a glass door and shielded by SWAT team members at the top of the stairs, looked out and saw her. He came out of the offices, tore down the stairs and pulled her back up with him until the SWAT team would open up the executive wing and let them back in.
Shortly after the campus was secured, she was marched downstairs, hands in the air -- through hallways strewn with bullet holes, blood and glass -- and directed into an area of the building -- where she would be questioned by police along with others until she was released into the custody of family friends and brought out to her parents. Four LONG hours after her original phone call.
That evening we carted many, many people whose cars were still in the "lock downed" area from the perimeter of the campus to our home. I'm from the South -- so when tragedy happens I feed people. We didn't even know 1/2 the people who wound up in our care that night...I just continued to pull plate after plate from the fridge.
For days we were distracted, hyper vigilant. Elizabeth couldn't sleep. New Life offered counseling. We returned to the "living room" of the building -- worshiped, prayed, anointed the halls with oil -- we decided that we would stay.
2 young girls were killed that day at our church. Questions like, "Why them? Why this family? Why NOT my family?" Ran through my mind day and night.
I grieved -- what happened, yes -- but mostly -- I grieved what could have happened. I didn't say it out loud, but I couldn't identify with all the people saying how thankful they were. I would just silently shake my head in agreement...but felt dazed on the inside.
10 days or so after the event, Billy said, "Shanna, I don't know why the Work's family lost their daughters. I just know that on THAT day, for SOME REASON, God said we could keep ours." And, at that moment, for whatever reason, I was freed to be thankful. And I did feel thankful. Sad, and thankful. Afraid, and brave. Confused and certain. All. At. The. Same. Time.
Matthew 5:45 He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Our family has had it's fair share, and then some, of tragedy -- so has our home church -- and many other families we know. We aren't the picture of wisdom and calm in the midst of pain. We argue, panic -- both want to be in control. It isn't pretty.
In fact, after 18 years of marriage, Billy and I have come to believe that most couples are only 1 crisis away from divorce. Certainly, given the same circumstances, most churches are 1 crisis away from becoming used car lots.
My revelation today, not only about New Life, but about my family -- who walks through difficult circumstances even today -- is that, well, WE'RE STILL HERE. Our church is recovering. Our marriage is good. Most days, we still like each other. A lot. Our daughter, who very rarely still has night terrors and panic attacks, has become a remarkable young woman. Remarkable.
There are places where we feel vulnerable, hurt, tired -- but -- we're still here. Broken, sometimes doubting, but still coming. Still praying, seeking, asking. And that is faith.
God is God, and we are not.
Not to long before, I resigned my position at New Life Church. Pastor Ted was gone, and so were about 5,000 other people -- and the stress of having a full time business, a large family AND being on staff at a church that seemed to be falling apart at the seems was just too much. I had no intention of abandoning ship, but I also knew, for my sanity, I needed to simplify. Taking the advice of my sister, I decided to simplify by eliminating what was causing me the most stress.
Had I not made that decision, not only myself, but my entire family would have been in the exact hallway -- as we usually were -- the gunman entered that morning.
My mother had been visiting and we just so happened to leave church early that morning to take her back to the airport. I remember telling her what a safe place Colorado Springs was on that drive. Billy was home with our small children, but Elizabeth stayed back to finish church and hang out with some family friends.
I returned home shortly after service would have ended. The phone rang. Billy answered and heard Elizabeth's frightened voice on the other end. The conversation went something like this...
Elizabeth, "Daddy, don't come up to the church! Someone is here shooting people!"
Billy asks Elizabeth's to repeat herself.
Billy, "Elizabeth, where are you? What adults are with you?"
Elizabeth, "I'm in Pastor Brady's Office. I'm calling from Pastor Daniel's cell phone. He's here, Pastor Brady and some man named Jack Hafford".
We were alarmed. And, "Don't come up to the church," translated in her dads mind to, "Shanna, get in the car. We are going to get Elizabeth!"
We dropped our small children off at Billy's parents and headed to the New Life building, only 1 mile from our home.
It was already surrounded by SWAT team members, with shields and weapons ready for the possibility of a second shooter. We briefly discussed driving through the building to get our daughter. We knew exactly which door would be closet to her. Reasonable, we were not. We argued. Fortunately, we obeyed the SWAT team and drove to the perimeter of the campus. Looking back, a better choice than driving through the building.
What happened before we arrived?
Service had ended a little early that day. Elizabeth had been heading up the stairs to the executive office to find her grandmother. Half way up the stair case, the gunman entered the hallway opposite of her. The security guard that eventually brought him down, entered the hallway from behind her. Hearing gunshots and cussing disoriented Elizabeth. Confused she started to descend back down the stairs -- straight into the danger and line of fire below. A pastor, locked behind a glass door and shielded by SWAT team members at the top of the stairs, looked out and saw her. He came out of the offices, tore down the stairs and pulled her back up with him until the SWAT team would open up the executive wing and let them back in.
Shortly after the campus was secured, she was marched downstairs, hands in the air -- through hallways strewn with bullet holes, blood and glass -- and directed into an area of the building -- where she would be questioned by police along with others until she was released into the custody of family friends and brought out to her parents. Four LONG hours after her original phone call.
That evening we carted many, many people whose cars were still in the "lock downed" area from the perimeter of the campus to our home. I'm from the South -- so when tragedy happens I feed people. We didn't even know 1/2 the people who wound up in our care that night...I just continued to pull plate after plate from the fridge.
For days we were distracted, hyper vigilant. Elizabeth couldn't sleep. New Life offered counseling. We returned to the "living room" of the building -- worshiped, prayed, anointed the halls with oil -- we decided that we would stay.
2 young girls were killed that day at our church. Questions like, "Why them? Why this family? Why NOT my family?" Ran through my mind day and night.
I grieved -- what happened, yes -- but mostly -- I grieved what could have happened. I didn't say it out loud, but I couldn't identify with all the people saying how thankful they were. I would just silently shake my head in agreement...but felt dazed on the inside.
10 days or so after the event, Billy said, "Shanna, I don't know why the Work's family lost their daughters. I just know that on THAT day, for SOME REASON, God said we could keep ours." And, at that moment, for whatever reason, I was freed to be thankful. And I did feel thankful. Sad, and thankful. Afraid, and brave. Confused and certain. All. At. The. Same. Time.
Matthew 5:45 He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Our family has had it's fair share, and then some, of tragedy -- so has our home church -- and many other families we know. We aren't the picture of wisdom and calm in the midst of pain. We argue, panic -- both want to be in control. It isn't pretty.
In fact, after 18 years of marriage, Billy and I have come to believe that most couples are only 1 crisis away from divorce. Certainly, given the same circumstances, most churches are 1 crisis away from becoming used car lots.
My revelation today, not only about New Life, but about my family -- who walks through difficult circumstances even today -- is that, well, WE'RE STILL HERE. Our church is recovering. Our marriage is good. Most days, we still like each other. A lot. Our daughter, who very rarely still has night terrors and panic attacks, has become a remarkable young woman. Remarkable.
There are places where we feel vulnerable, hurt, tired -- but -- we're still here. Broken, sometimes doubting, but still coming. Still praying, seeking, asking. And that is faith.
God is God, and we are not.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
"Entertaining" is NOT My Thing
Admittedly, I'm not Martha Stewart (because everyone thinks she's boring).
"Entertaining" is not my thing.
When I got married 18 years ago, I had no culinary skills. Zero. Zip. Zilch. My mom says I just never showed interest in such things. Fair enough.
We once invited a friend over for steaks. Apparently, I didn't know that the Piggly Wiggly made marinades in little packages for .75. So, I marinaded those steaks in Pancake Syrup. Creative? Maybe. Tasty? Impressive? Nope. Not even to poor, college students.
Gingerbread House Party
Dinner Party for Friends
Cookie Decorating Party with Eli's friends
Movie Party for Teens
Pinterest Party
Free Trade Party
When you come over to share lunch with me, I know that you do not do so because my kitchen skills are so unbelievable (all though you might describe them as such). I ASSUME you come because you value spending time with me -- just as my invite is my expression of how much I value you.
I won't be serving Fennel-Crusted Lamb on Toast or Queso Fundido with Chorizo. Actually, I quite regularly offer my friends Egg Salad Sandwiches. Chicken Salad if I'm trying to be fancy. And you know what? My friends sit down with their simple fare on paper plates just as happy as if it were Crab Salad with Avocado and Tostones. At least, I think they do! And, on the right day, with the right person, and the right conversation -- an Egg Salad Sandwich can be quite extraordinary. Encouragement. Refreshment. A life touched.
Christmas always brings out my celebratory side. The decorations, the music, the food, -- all communicate that something special is happening. I feel especially drawn to encouraging others this time of year. Not just friends, but my family too.
Of course, my family, like most is MORE busy than usual this time of year. Billy coaches basketball MOST nights of the week/weekend...right through Christmas. Schools schedule parties and concerts. My business is growing and my highschoolers are studying for finals and making college visits. Church, shopping, wrapping, mailing, etc, etc, etc. So...I never get to all that I'd like to do. INFACT, I find myself simplifying more and more each year. Presence of mind and a peaceful heart are great gifts to give myself, my husband and my children, yes?
This year in particular, time and financial restraints have forced me to settle on 2 events. My brainstorming list looked something like this...
Hosanna's 16th Birthday Party
Christmas Caroling Party for my music students and their families
So, here's my FREE tip for the day. Consider it your Christmas gift from me. Really, it's one of my best. Here it goes. DURING THIS BUSY SEASON, WHEN YOU HAVE EVENTS TO HOST, PLAN THEM BACK TO BACK. I know. I know. At first read, you think I'm crazy.
We have planned Hosanna's Birthday Party for Friday night, The Christmas Caroling Party for my students for Saturday night. Here is the BIGGEST PRO:
I WILL ONLY CLEAN, COOK AND DECORATE THE HOUSE ONCE.
Ah ha moment. Now, you see my wisdom?
I will keep it simple. Hosanna's party, at her request, is Open House style with light "christmasy" snacks for 2 hours. Then, her best friends will stay later for a relaxed movie night. This allows our extended family, our beloved youth pastors and their kids, Hosanna's friends with jobs AND their families to come and go as it's best for them. It's insures I'll have plenty of space to accommodate people as they all won't be here at the same time (ideally). And, it gives her some extra, quite time for Hosanna with her bestest friends. Perfectly perfect.
My Caroling Party for our music students and their families will involve A LOT of people. Frankly, standing room only in the upper level of my house. I've announced that the price of admission is a plate of goodies. I've asked EVERYONE to help. When a mom recently said, "What about paper goods? Can I bring those?" My answer is "Yes". When another mom texted and said "I know I'm late with my RSVP, can I still come? I'll bring 2 plates of goodies!" My answer is "Yes". Even my neighbors, "Can we offer the carolers Hot Cocoa and Candy Canes"? Yes. Yes. And Yes. I will re-wash the table cloth, set out my Ooey Gooey Butter Cake that I will prepare the day before, straighten the pile of Christmas Carol Songbooks I made a few years ago, plan our route through my neighborhood (while it snows btw) and that will be that. The natural way of things will take it's course. People will visit. Catch up. Make new friends. Our vocal students will lead us in a "warm up" -- we'll savor some Christmas goodies -- and then donned in winter coats, hats and scarves we'll make our way out my front door in the snow and up the street to sing carols for the neighbors. We will end at the home of our neighborhoods newest members. They lost their previous home, everything including Christmas decorations, in the fires that ravaged parts of Colorado this summer. We will belt out a rousing rendition of "Frosty the Snowman", and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". We will enjoy the moment as we sing "Silent Night" under the stars and end with a heart felt "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". As we make our way back to our cars, I will know that we, I, have not done anything impressive. Our group will not have been THAT "entertaining". But, others will have felt joy, encouraged, refreshed, valued. A life touched.
Now, as YOUR Christmas gift to moi, how's about you leave a comment with YOUR best "entertaining" tip!
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Public School
This may be too personal. More information than you want to know about my family. THIS however is the convo after our first day EVER of Public Jr High School....
Mom, "So.....how'd it go?"
Ben, "Well, I didn't see anyone taking drugs."
Mom, "That's good."
Elizabeth (sarcastically), "You should try drugs."
Mom gives her a look.
Ben, "Two of my classes today were on field trips, so they just sent me to a different class. No one seemed to be paying attention."
Hosanna, "Then you should fit right in (snaps a towel at her brother)."
Victoria, "I can't believe they let you chew gum there! Right out in the open!"
Hosanna (whose been at TCA where gum chewing gets you a detention since 1st grade), "YOU CAN CHEW GUM IN THE OPEN? WHAT THE HECK?"
Victoria, "There was a lot of 'touching' going on in the hall."
Elizabeth, "Yup. Public school is super fun like that!"
Mom snaps HER with a towel.
Mom, "What did you guys have for lunch?"
Ben, "A piece of triangle shaped card board with some cheese on it."
Ben, "BTW, it's too soon to tell, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be popul...."
Mom cuts in with an exasperated look....
Ben, "Included. I think I'm going to be included".
There ya have it. Too bad they don't offer Sarcasm 101. We'd ACE that.
Mom, "So.....how'd it go?"
Ben, "Well, I didn't see anyone taking drugs."
Mom, "That's good."
Elizabeth (sarcastically), "You should try drugs."
Mom gives her a look.
Ben, "Two of my classes today were on field trips, so they just sent me to a different class. No one seemed to be paying attention."
Hosanna, "Then you should fit right in (snaps a towel at her brother)."
Victoria, "I can't believe they let you chew gum there! Right out in the open!"
Hosanna (whose been at TCA where gum chewing gets you a detention since 1st grade), "YOU CAN CHEW GUM IN THE OPEN? WHAT THE HECK?"
Victoria, "There was a lot of 'touching' going on in the hall."
Elizabeth, "Yup. Public school is super fun like that!"
Mom snaps HER with a towel.
Mom, "What did you guys have for lunch?"
Ben, "A piece of triangle shaped card board with some cheese on it."
Ben, "BTW, it's too soon to tell, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be popul...."
Mom cuts in with an exasperated look....
Ben, "Included. I think I'm going to be included".
There ya have it. Too bad they don't offer Sarcasm 101. We'd ACE that.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Orientation
Today we did our Orientation at DCC. The counselor graciously took loads of time to explain everything and answer all of our questions.
Victoria had 1,000.
Ben, not even 1.
After she went over their test results (and confirmed their "genius" IQs), and printed their schedules -- an upstanding young man walked us through the unsupervised hallways of the massive campus according to Ben and Victoria's 6th and 7th grade schedules.
Most of their classes lingered around the 200/300 hallways...where kids looked mostly Ben and Victoria's age. Art, however, forced us through hallways with older students.
Upon leaving, Victoria's analysis, "They seem to have signs up everywhere with rules against BULLYING. They should have a few rules about having sex in the hallways."
She exaggerates, but we all got the point.
Next we head over to TCA's East Campus to return some borrowed books. Victoria gives a sweet good-bye to her teacher and picks up her most recently graded assignments. Upon getting in the car and flipping through her work, she says, "I'm really glad to be leaving here! LOOK at all these corrections I'd have had to do to my paper!"
We have mixed feelings to say the least!
;)
Victoria had 1,000.
Ben, not even 1.
After she went over their test results (and confirmed their "genius" IQs), and printed their schedules -- an upstanding young man walked us through the unsupervised hallways of the massive campus according to Ben and Victoria's 6th and 7th grade schedules.
Most of their classes lingered around the 200/300 hallways...where kids looked mostly Ben and Victoria's age. Art, however, forced us through hallways with older students.
Upon leaving, Victoria's analysis, "They seem to have signs up everywhere with rules against BULLYING. They should have a few rules about having sex in the hallways."
She exaggerates, but we all got the point.
Next we head over to TCA's East Campus to return some borrowed books. Victoria gives a sweet good-bye to her teacher and picks up her most recently graded assignments. Upon getting in the car and flipping through her work, she says, "I'm really glad to be leaving here! LOOK at all these corrections I'd have had to do to my paper!"
We have mixed feelings to say the least!
;)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
THUNDERware Part II - How to Save Yourself from Drowning
Where were we? Oh yes, I was swooning over TCA. Then came...
August of 2011. Billy was working at a church in Denver (a 55 minute commute) whose leaders were, shall we say, more than a little annoyed by the fact that after several months of being there, we were STILL living in the Springs. Weighing back and forth the cost of moving to a new city or losing our job, we reluctantly did the most responsible thing - we pulled all of our kids from the Charter School we loved, and prepared to move. Even then, we weren't "sure" about the move per say (not even an ounce of sure), but this was our way of saying to ourselves that we WOULD indeed -- even though we were dragging our feet, refusing to put a For Sale sign in our actual yard, really didn't want too, and might burst into tears at any moment over the very thought of it --resign ourselves to move to Denver and ACTUALLY COMMIT to SHV Church.
2 months later, the insanity of committing to this particular ministry team became crystal clear and after the move fell through we regretted our decision to pull our kids and, well, we wanted back into The Classical Academy. We had been attending the school for 10 years and by this time it had grown famous for the shear length of the wait list. 5,000 and counting.
Thanks to our newly acquired "priority status", our highschooler and kindergartner made it right back in. Our middle schoolers however did not. They are currently #4 and #12 on the TCA Full-Time Waiting List respectively. So, what to do with them in the meantime?
Last school year, we participated in TCA's Cottage School - which means, Ben and Victoria met with a TCA teacher for initial instruction and then homeschooled for the remainder of the week. No, it wasn't the rich educational experience I imagined, but we learned a lot about parenting Ben and Victoria -- we were close as a family, everyone pointed in the right trajectory -- so I deemed it a SuCcEsS.
As summer came, and my music business grew more demanding, I started to sense that we probably needed to make a change -- how was I going to do MORE and keep my head from exploding? When I looked at our 2012 - 2013 schedule, well, let's just say, it made my knees buckle.
I didn't feel any sense of direction and my "Lord, help! Wisdom, please!" prayers were growing more desperate - daily. Not knowing what to do, I did what any good homeschooling mom would do -- I ordered more curriculum.
As the 2012 school year began, and our business REALLY began to grow, I found myself crawling out of the starting gate. NEWS FLASH: YOU CAN'T HOMESCHOOL WHEN YOU WORK A FULL-TIME JOB. There, I said it. And that's because, HOMESCHOOLING IS A FULL TIME JOB.
As business grew, and the bickering between Ben and Victoria grew -- so did my angst. August and September unfolded, and I found I could hardly catch my breath. I'm an introverted person. I need moments of alone time to process my thoughts. At this point, I'd gone 13 months without such a moment. Literally I felt like my crazy brain was spinning out of control in my head and about to melt and run out my ears. I was forgetting things, not sleeping and certainly didn't have even an hour to put towards ANY meaningful relationship.
Constantly torn. If I was dedicating my brain at the moment to Ben and Victoria -- it could just be a moment -- because the next lesson to teach would arrive any second. If I was teaching a piano lesson, you better believe I felt guilty that I had left Victoria to figure out her math lesson all by herself. See the NEWS FLASH above.
I organized, and reorganized. Planned and rePlanned. For work alone, I was teaching 35 DIFFERENT lesson plans a month, not counting private lessons, teacher training, parent times training, and communication with parents and prospective clients. Lest you think that's a lot, I was also teaching LATIN, LOGIC, MATH, LITERATURE, GRAMMAR, and doing HISTORY AND SCIENCE with Ben and Victoria. It exhausted me and I couldn't catch up.
As Billy and I talked through this past month, we knew we had to make a change. But what? Really, we knew what...we just didn't like that option. The neighborhood school.
Colorado public schools rank high in the nation. Still. I just didn't want too. Do. That. At. All.
I launched an email campaign to beg, bribe and bully TCA to do what I wanted them to. But, they. Didn't. Budge. Insanity on their part.
Finally -- after I felt there was NO OTHER CHOICE -- AND after one SOLID week of crying my eyeballs out -- I called the school district...who promptly passed the buck and told me to call my neighborhood school's guidance counselor. I did need some guidance, that was for darn certain!?!?!?
She answered. I sighed. Loudly...figuring she might as well get to know my annoyed side right off the bat. "Hi Jessica, I am interested in the possibility of my 6th and 7th graders going to DCC. The district told me that there were some nuances involved in the timing. They named you as the expert (insert a slight sarcastic tone for which I could not help myself) for me to talk to." You could almost hear the smile on her face, "Mrs. Ramsdell, the timing is up to you. Just do what you think is in the best interest of your family -- because in actuality -- YOU are the expert on that". I liked her right away.
Yesterday, the kids went in and TESTED for math and language arts placements...at my request.
Monday, we all meet with the counselor to get there schedules, lockers, etc.
In the middle, somewhere between 2 basketball practices, 3 basketball games, buying groceries and going to church (all with one car) -- we have to engage in "school supply shopping trip ROUND TWO for 2012" and well -- because my kids have worn khaki pants and collared shirts to school since...Kindergarten...I suppose they are going to need some new digs. Fair enough.
Tuesday -- along with our Titans hoodies, we will pull on our "THUNDERware" and join the drop off at DCC.
Ben and Victoria are in high spirits. They've moved on and don't seem to require any "closure". I, however, thought I was gonna cry all day. I almost did. Then, I reminded myself that on Tuesday, I would get 2 entire hours of quiet time in the house to myself. Delicious.
Yes, that thought is followed by a pang of mommy guilt...and a one sided, guilt ridden negative conversation in my head. It goes something like...there are many emotionally sturdy, quality time/acts of service loving women pulling off homeschooling large families...and seemingly doing it with joy, deep contentment and satisfaction! (Insert feelings of envy). They work harder than you do. They are rich. They don't need to send ALL THOSE KIDS to college. They save money because they can sew their own clothes. Why don't you sew? You'd have more hours in your day if you'd only get up at 4am. Why do you require sleep? They are more organized. More savings savy. More. More. More.
Lest you feel I need therapy, my other side usually answers, "Whatever".
Our decision to put Ben and Victoria in a public school this week was still, for us, monumental and, of course, not without consequence for our family -- and mixed with a hopeful disappointment. Our decision was also wrought with consequence and inconvenience for some others -- classes I'd have to cancel, lessons I'd have to reschedule. I thought long and hard, LONG AND HARD, about the people I would disappoint. I don't like to quit. Certainly, I don't like to burden others. But, you don't say,"Hey! Person who is drowning! I can see the water splashing up over your head, you're choking really loud and all -- looking quiet exasperated and blue, but could you possibly wait it out 6 more weeks until Christmas break before you make any sort of change"? No. You toss'em a line, pull'em up, and let'em off the hook -- you let them catch their breath! In this case, we just had that amount of grace on ourselves.
It's all still up in the air of course...and we'll see how it goes. I'm not married to DCC. Not attached - Yet.
But, after 17 years of parenting, our decision was...necessary. Ultimately, still in the best interest of our children. Billy recently said, "We need to recharge inorder to make it through the second 1/2 of the parenting years!" The second half. Half time. Another 17 years to go...after all Eli's just in Kindergarten!
Blessings my friends!
August of 2011. Billy was working at a church in Denver (a 55 minute commute) whose leaders were, shall we say, more than a little annoyed by the fact that after several months of being there, we were STILL living in the Springs. Weighing back and forth the cost of moving to a new city or losing our job, we reluctantly did the most responsible thing - we pulled all of our kids from the Charter School we loved, and prepared to move. Even then, we weren't "sure" about the move per say (not even an ounce of sure), but this was our way of saying to ourselves that we WOULD indeed -- even though we were dragging our feet, refusing to put a For Sale sign in our actual yard, really didn't want too, and might burst into tears at any moment over the very thought of it --
2 months later, the insanity of committing to this particular ministry team became crystal clear and after the move fell through we regretted our decision to pull our kids and, well, we wanted back into The Classical Academy. We had been attending the school for 10 years and by this time it had grown famous for the shear length of the wait list. 5,000 and counting.
Thanks to our newly acquired "priority status", our highschooler and kindergartner made it right back in. Our middle schoolers however did not. They are currently #4 and #12 on the TCA Full-Time Waiting List respectively. So, what to do with them in the meantime?
Last school year, we participated in TCA's Cottage School - which means, Ben and Victoria met with a TCA teacher for initial instruction and then homeschooled for the remainder of the week. No, it wasn't the rich educational experience I imagined, but we learned a lot about parenting Ben and Victoria -- we were close as a family, everyone pointed in the right trajectory -- so I deemed it a SuCcEsS.
As summer came, and my music business grew more demanding, I started to sense that we probably needed to make a change -- how was I going to do MORE and keep my head from exploding? When I looked at our 2012 - 2013 schedule, well, let's just say, it made my knees buckle.
I didn't feel any sense of direction and my "Lord, help! Wisdom, please!" prayers were growing more desperate - daily. Not knowing what to do, I did what any good homeschooling mom would do -- I ordered more curriculum.
As the 2012 school year began, and our business REALLY began to grow, I found myself crawling out of the starting gate. NEWS FLASH: YOU CAN'T HOMESCHOOL WHEN YOU WORK A FULL-TIME JOB. There, I said it. And that's because, HOMESCHOOLING IS A FULL TIME JOB.
As business grew, and the bickering between Ben and Victoria grew -- so did my angst. August and September unfolded, and I found I could hardly catch my breath. I'm an introverted person. I need moments of alone time to process my thoughts. At this point, I'd gone 13 months without such a moment. Literally I felt like my crazy brain was spinning out of control in my head and about to melt and run out my ears. I was forgetting things, not sleeping and certainly didn't have even an hour to put towards ANY meaningful relationship.
Constantly torn. If I was dedicating my brain at the moment to Ben and Victoria -- it could just be a moment -- because the next lesson to teach would arrive any second. If I was teaching a piano lesson, you better believe I felt guilty that I had left Victoria to figure out her math lesson all by herself. See the NEWS FLASH above.
I organized, and reorganized. Planned and rePlanned. For work alone, I was teaching 35 DIFFERENT lesson plans a month, not counting private lessons, teacher training, parent times training, and communication with parents and prospective clients. Lest you think that's a lot, I was also teaching LATIN, LOGIC, MATH, LITERATURE, GRAMMAR, and doing HISTORY AND SCIENCE with Ben and Victoria. It exhausted me and I couldn't catch up.
As Billy and I talked through this past month, we knew we had to make a change. But what? Really, we knew what...we just didn't like that option. The neighborhood school.
Colorado public schools rank high in the nation. Still. I just didn't want too. Do. That. At. All.
I launched an email campaign to beg, bribe and bully TCA to do what I wanted them to. But, they. Didn't. Budge. Insanity on their part.
Finally -- after I felt there was NO OTHER CHOICE -- AND after one SOLID week of crying my eyeballs out -- I called the school district...who promptly passed the buck and told me to call my neighborhood school's guidance counselor. I did need some guidance, that was for darn certain!?!?!?
She answered. I sighed. Loudly...figuring she might as well get to know my annoyed side right off the bat. "Hi Jessica, I am interested in the possibility of my 6th and 7th graders going to DCC. The district told me that there were some nuances involved in the timing. They named you as the expert (insert a slight sarcastic tone for which I could not help myself) for me to talk to." You could almost hear the smile on her face, "Mrs. Ramsdell, the timing is up to you. Just do what you think is in the best interest of your family -- because in actuality -- YOU are the expert on that". I liked her right away.
Yesterday, the kids went in and TESTED for math and language arts placements...at my request.
Monday, we all meet with the counselor to get there schedules, lockers, etc.
In the middle, somewhere between 2 basketball practices, 3 basketball games, buying groceries and going to church (all with one car) -- we have to engage in "school supply shopping trip ROUND TWO for 2012" and well -- because my kids have worn khaki pants and collared shirts to school since...Kindergarten...I suppose they are going to need some new digs. Fair enough.
Tuesday -- along with our Titans hoodies, we will pull on our "THUNDERware" and join the drop off at DCC.
Ben and Victoria are in high spirits. They've moved on and don't seem to require any "closure". I, however, thought I was gonna cry all day. I almost did. Then, I reminded myself that on Tuesday, I would get 2 entire hours of quiet time in the house to myself. Delicious.
Yes, that thought is followed by a pang of mommy guilt...and a one sided, guilt ridden negative conversation in my head. It goes something like...there are many emotionally sturdy, quality time/acts of service loving women pulling off homeschooling large families...and seemingly doing it with joy, deep contentment and satisfaction! (Insert feelings of envy). They work harder than you do. They are rich. They don't need to send ALL THOSE KIDS to college. They save money because they can sew their own clothes. Why don't you sew? You'd have more hours in your day if you'd only get up at 4am. Why do you require sleep? They are more organized. More savings savy. More. More. More.
Lest you feel I need therapy, my other side usually answers, "Whatever".
Our decision to put Ben and Victoria in a public school this week was still, for us, monumental and, of course, not without consequence for our family -- and mixed with a hopeful disappointment. Our decision was also wrought with consequence and inconvenience for some others -- classes I'd have to cancel, lessons I'd have to reschedule. I thought long and hard, LONG AND HARD, about the people I would disappoint. I don't like to quit. Certainly, I don't like to burden others. But, you don't say,"Hey! Person who is drowning! I can see the water splashing up over your head, you're choking really loud and all -- looking quiet exasperated and blue, but could you possibly wait it out 6 more weeks until Christmas break before you make any sort of change"? No. You toss'em a line, pull'em up, and let'em off the hook -- you let them catch their breath! In this case, we just had that amount of grace on ourselves.
It's all still up in the air of course...and we'll see how it goes. I'm not married to DCC. Not attached - Yet.
But, after 17 years of parenting, our decision was...necessary. Ultimately, still in the best interest of our children. Billy recently said, "We need to recharge inorder to make it through the second 1/2 of the parenting years!" The second half. Half time. Another 17 years to go...after all Eli's just in Kindergarten!
Blessings my friends!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Titans Hoodies and THUNDERware - Part I
We love The Classical Academy. We wear our hoodies proudly! Titan Nation baby!
When we decided to move to Colorado in 2003, in typical Shanna/Billy form, we flew into town from our home state (Florida) and gave ourselves 1 day (1 WHOLE day) with a Relator to find a house. (When you have as many kids as we do -- they could eat a babysitter for lunch knowing their parents are across the country. We are merciful people.)
The day we choose our lot, we asked the Classic Homes representative for a school recommendation. He said, "Check into TCA. I hear it's good."
Always a fan of education philosophy, I had, at the time, been reading everything I could get my hands on about and by Charlotte Mason. I had also just DEVOURED For the Children's Sake AND For the Families Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. All rich, wonderful, idealistic books. The idea of a classical, Charlotte Mason inspired education became mymajor minor obsession.
At the time, our kids attended Argyle Christian Academy in Jacksonville, Florida. It was a small, Abeka using, private school - filled with people I'd known my entire life. Graciously, they offered me my first job as a music teacher. We LOVED it there. Crazy loved it. My classroom was right across the hall from Elizabeth's 2nd grade classroom. She learned to read and forge my signature there. And if I taught with my door open, I could hear her working out math problems on the board. Hosanna was a pilgrim in the Thanksgiving play...after she cried and said she didn't want to do it for an hour and half. Benjamin was the CUTEST preschooler you've ever seen...with stitches in his head. 3 times. Billy and I actually, got married in the church building there. My dad pastored there. I spent hours and hours and hours of my life there.
Falling in love is a trend with Billy and I -- we get attached -- to people, to places. Once something serves us well, we (I) have a hard time EVER letting it go.
I like the idea of being settled. Community. Staying. I don't like to "divorce" people and I hate the idea of burned bridges. Life is richer when you live in relationship -- when you love deeply -- and it takes a long time to make an "old" friend -- all these things, I value. It's a blessing and a curse.
So, sitting in my Florida sunroom that Feburary, I got on the internet and began to research TCA. Immediately jumping out at me was a tab entitled, "Books that Influenced Our Philosophy". And wouldn't you know...there was a list of all the same books I had in my library. My most cherished titles...MY obsession was THEIR obsession . And, I felt an immediate connection.
The kind of connection that leads you to believe that the God of the Universe has gone before you -- and prepared a way. Maybe, He's planned this all along. A connection that speaks to the deep parts of you, casts out fear and proves you're not so crazy after all! The connection only two friends make when they read the same books. ;)
That evening, we joined the other 2,000+ people on the waiting list -- with no priority status whatsoever. Shortly after our cross country move, miraculously, we still got in.
Yes, the charter school has it's problems as ALL institutions/families/humans do...and to say it lives up to its ideals - well that would be far from accurate. But we found favor there and our children have flourished. Really flourished.
Today, we made a change. Still wearing our Titans hoodie, but now pulling up our THUNDERware as well. Big change. Come back and find out what in Part II tomorrow.
Blessings my friends!
When we decided to move to Colorado in 2003, in typical Shanna/Billy form, we flew into town from our home state (Florida) and gave ourselves 1 day (1 WHOLE day) with a Relator to find a house. (When you have as many kids as we do -- they could eat a babysitter for lunch knowing their parents are across the country. We are merciful people.)
The day we choose our lot, we asked the Classic Homes representative for a school recommendation. He said, "Check into TCA. I hear it's good."
Always a fan of education philosophy, I had, at the time, been reading everything I could get my hands on about and by Charlotte Mason. I had also just DEVOURED For the Children's Sake AND For the Families Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. All rich, wonderful, idealistic books. The idea of a classical, Charlotte Mason inspired education became my
At the time, our kids attended Argyle Christian Academy in Jacksonville, Florida. It was a small, Abeka using, private school - filled with people I'd known my entire life. Graciously, they offered me my first job as a music teacher. We LOVED it there. Crazy loved it. My classroom was right across the hall from Elizabeth's 2nd grade classroom. She learned to read and forge my signature there. And if I taught with my door open, I could hear her working out math problems on the board. Hosanna was a pilgrim in the Thanksgiving play...after she cried and said she didn't want to do it for an hour and half. Benjamin was the CUTEST preschooler you've ever seen...with stitches in his head. 3 times. Billy and I actually, got married in the church building there. My dad pastored there. I spent hours and hours and hours of my life there.
Falling in love is a trend with Billy and I -- we get attached -- to people, to places. Once something serves us well, we (I) have a hard time EVER letting it go.
I like the idea of being settled. Community. Staying. I don't like to "divorce" people and I hate the idea of burned bridges. Life is richer when you live in relationship -- when you love deeply -- and it takes a long time to make an "old" friend -- all these things, I value. It's a blessing and a curse.
So, sitting in my Florida sunroom that Feburary, I got on the internet and began to research TCA. Immediately jumping out at me was a tab entitled, "Books that Influenced Our Philosophy". And wouldn't you know...there was a list of all the same books I had in my library. My most cherished titles...MY obsession was THEIR obsession . And, I felt an immediate connection.
The kind of connection that leads you to believe that the God of the Universe has gone before you -- and prepared a way. Maybe, He's planned this all along. A connection that speaks to the deep parts of you, casts out fear and proves you're not so crazy after all! The connection only two friends make when they read the same books. ;)
That evening, we joined the other 2,000+ people on the waiting list -- with no priority status whatsoever. Shortly after our cross country move, miraculously, we still got in.
Yes, the charter school has it's problems as ALL institutions/families/humans do...and to say it lives up to its ideals - well that would be far from accurate. But we found favor there and our children have flourished. Really flourished.
Today, we made a change. Still wearing our Titans hoodie, but now pulling up our THUNDERware as well. Big change. Come back and find out what in Part II tomorrow.
Blessings my friends!
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