Yesterday was my first official day of summer break!
Sure, I have one kid who STILL has 2 more days of school, but mentally, I've turned the corner. And...it's already glorious.
I am a list keeper. Not be nature, but by necessity. My life has too many working parts to remember it all. We spend 80% of the year with a strict routine. Whereas I eventually LONG for the moment we get a bit more freedom, when it does come -- my mind goes into shock and I can't think of what to do next. So, my summer lists are filled with things, reminders really, of all I WANT to do. Hike, finish the 8 books I've already started, try different workouts, do fun things with Eli, go to the pool, cook new healthy meals etc.
My morning started out with a "have too" -- the need to take one of my daughters to a specialist. I was a little surprised to discover that at age 13 she needed no parental consent to see this doctor. The nurse asked her questions like, "What phone number can we reach you on to discuss your medical info?" Daughter, "I don't have a cell phone, just a facebook." Nurse, "You'll need to sign these financial documents." Daughter, "I'm 13, I don't have a job!" Seriously, it was INSANE! At 13, my child has lived approx 5 years as a PRESCHOOLER and 7 years in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL -- so I'm not sure what qualifies her to take 100% ownership of her own medical care. For the record, to say a young woman has say (even absolute say) over what happens to her own body at 13 is fine in my opinion. To say that that's true with no need to consult with an intelligent adult who is invested into their health is LUDICROUS.
Knowing it would take me a little while to get over that, I consulted my summer list. I decided to head out for a 90 minute hike all by my lonesome for a workout and refreshment. I took a new trail in GOG, Lot 10. On the way to the car, low and behold, a SNAKE crawled out on the path. I could see about 3 feet of his body -- coming right out next to the sign, "Rattle snake habitat. Stay on Trail." Yea, well, what happens when the snake is on my trail!? I would have taken a photo, but I was frozen with fear! When I came to my senses, I turned on the turbos and ran for my life!
On the hike I talked to God about the doctor visit, the government, Ted Haggard, T.D. Jakes, HIPA, and just about every other silly and not so silly thing that was weighing on my mind.
I recounted events from Creative Music Concepts Recital the night before. And that led to recounting all the dreams and desires of my youth. Before long, I was informing God that I had never directed the symphony, become an architect and built something AMAZING. I had never written something remarkable.
Just a side note, you can rethink your life in this circular fashion until the cows come home -- and in my opinion -- outside of prayer, guidance from others, and wisdom -- it can be a waste of time. Wasting time lamenting over wasted time is crazy. It's dumb.
The sum total of your life and mine...isn't the things we've done. It isn't the things we didn't do. It isn't about seeing the ultimate sunset or hiking the most scenic spectacular trail with views only a few have ever beheld. It isn't about your bucket list.
I'm FOR all those things. I assure you, I have a bucket list.
But what the Spirit of God breathed into my mind during that hike, during that prayer -- was Shanna, what you and Billy HAVE done...is to LOVE well.
And, I know the impact of a life LIVED well by a person who has LOVED well. So, just like that, I decided to have peace about it all and move on. If all I do this summer is to LOVE well -- I'm ok with that. B and I, like everyone else need that kind of re-calibration from time to time. Even when everything seems to be going just fine. Feelings are weird things. But, they are, just feelings. I've learned it's best to talk about them -- and not try to manage them with food. Selah.
I dropped by B's office where we had a spontaneous lunch date. He made sweet comments about how thankful he was that we could have spontaneous lunch dates.
We came home, watched a movie with the kids, had the littlest Ramsdell snuggle up on me and fall asleep....and well...I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be off work before 7pm.
Here's to summer!